Kristy Maute

20 Hugs and Kisses

271847_10150215983008240_583823239_7364884_7570567_o — waiting for his plane

And Cole is off….he left this morning for his Dad’s house in Nashville, TN for 19 DAYS! Sigh! If you have children, you know how their noises are the soundtrack to your daily life. I love hearing Cole get out of bed in the morning. I love talking about his day. I love all the little pitter patters and noisy toys and video games sounds. I really love tucking him into bed at night. When he is at his dad’s, everything just seems out-of-place. It’s like taking the string section out of an orchestra. While the music still plays, it isn’t the same. It’s not better. It’s not worse. It’s just different – I have to admit though, I am a fan of the string section 🙂

Somewhere along the way we have created a fun family tradition for Cole’s departure. Before he leaves we hug and give kisses for the amount of days he is going to be gone and one extra one for good lucky. 19 hugs and kisses for the days he is gone plus one for good lucky! Today before we went through security to get on the plane Christian got 20 hugs and forehead kisses (only one person can accompany Cole to the gate). I also got 20 hugs and kisses before he got on the plane, but for the first time ever I got forehead kisses ONLY. Sigh again. He is really growing up. When did we get to the point of him not wanting really mommy kisses anymore? Really? I only get his forehead. Thank goodness Maute Moo is living in my belly right now. I’ll be smothering him/her with real mommy kisses.

(random question for the day – does anyone know if they have increased the sensitivity on the metal detectors at airport security. Never in my life has the metal rods in my legs set of the detectors. The past 3 times I’ve set off the alarm. I had on a cotton skirt and t-shirt, so the only thing I can think of is the rods in my legs. Airport security and I are starting to get close!)

I miss the monster already. The only way to survive 19 days without my little one in the house is to stay busy. I’m going to try to get up and run at 5:30am to avoid the summer heat. This will free up my evenings for yoga practice. I felt so good when I was practicing 6 days a week. I hope I get that back for a while. I also bought a groupon for a local yoga studio that I’ve been wanting to try – 10 classes for 20 bucks. Score! I’ll be dropping in for a few classes over the next 3 weeks. While running and yoga are high priorities, the top of my list is to spend some quality time with the husband. We are long overdue for a few date nights and outdoor adventures. And then there are always the things on my 40 day goal list. I think we will be plenty busy!

Happy Friday!!!

Redefining my Pregnancy Truth

beach — One of my favorite pictures with Cole and me - Fall 2009

So many things in life don’t get talked about. We brush things under the rug. We turn our backs to ugly truths. We ignore what we don’t want to exist. We avoid topics because we are embarrassed by our responses. When we ignore what is our truth at any given moment, we are denying ourselves the right to find happiness. There is no “right” way to live life. There is no “right” way to have a happy relationship with your partner. There is no “right” way to raise your children. And there is no “right” way to be pregnant.

Bringing a child into the world has been the great moment of my life (right next to meeting and falling in love with my husband and running my first race – Yes! Running a race makes the top of the list! It was my moment in life when I realized I am good enough, capable, and strong!). I know my love for Maute Moo will be the same as my love for Cole, and I have a tiny suspicion that Maute Moo will make me love Cole even more.

While pregnancy is a moment in my life to fall head over heels in love with someone I’ve never seen or meet, it isn’t always a pretty road – not for me! It was just a week ago that I posted My Truth about Pregnancy. (I honestly had to take a double-look at the date! Really? Just a week ago?). It’s amazing what a week can do – and possible the progression into my second trimester.

Since I wrote that post, I feel better. I feel physically better. I feel mentally better. I feel emotionally better. In the moment when I wrote that post, I wanted to sit in my room and cry. It was an ugly moment for me. Even reading it now, I find myself getting teary. Hormones and emotions in life are hard. They are complicated. They aren’t logical. They aren’t considerate of your time. They show up whenever they want. Hormones and emotions in pregnancy are even worse. Writing that post was my way of facing these emotions. I don’t want to hide from them. I don’t want to sweep them under the rug. Like all other things in life that are hormone and emotionally driven, they are normal. The more we talk about it, the less shame everyone should feel. We all go through it. Not talking about it isolates you from a support system and further carries the undeserving stigma into society. We all need to talk more. We all need to share our truths. (Small Disclaimer – this does not mean sit around and bash your husband, your family, your coworkers because they drive you nuts. This does not mean we should sit around and bash ourselves. That is not healthy or productive.)

Sharing my truth was more than therapeutic for me. It allowed me to recognize what I was feeling. I was able to identify were it was coming from. I was able to come up with a way to deal with it in the future. By sharing it with everyone who reads my blog, I had dozens of friends stand next to me and tell me that I am beautiful. Just knowing that they were there to support me means everything. Even in my ugly moment, my friends love me.

We all deserve these moments in life. Share your ugly moments. Share your ugly truths. Trust me – you are not the only person who has felt that way or had that thought. Addressing the ugly moments in life make the beautiful moments in life so much better because they are real. Now 14 weeks pregnant, I’m starting to feel the pregnancy high so many people talk about. I feel good! I’m excited! My changing body makes me laugh now instead of cringe. I had to work through the ugly to get to the good!

Today, 14 weeks pregnant, my pregnancy truth is this:

I love my belly! I find myself rubbing it all the time now. My boobs are still too big, but lets hope they hold lots of milk for Maute Moo. And my butt – well, it is what it is.
Running is going great for a pregnant lady! I’m just enjoying it right now. I feel lucky that I can still run. I’m slower. I walk more, but I’m doing it! My mileage is increasing. It has become a very relaxing time for me (when I leave the dog at home!).
The insecurities about my relationship with Christian have passed – Christian, feel free to drool over the red heads on tv again!!! I’ve got your baby in my belly! They’ve got nothing on me! No surprise that it is in sync with my insecurities about myself fading away too.
I’m recommiting to yoga again after neglecting it during my 1st trimester. Every inch of me needs it!

While I’m enjoying the pregnancy high right now, I know the hormones and emotions will rear their ugly head again. I may or may not be ready for it, but I know I can talk about it. I know it will pass. I know the moments do not define who I am. I also know that the good I feel by talking about it and addressing it is worth every effort! Until then I plan on embracing all that my pregnancy has in store for me.

Thank you Tiny Buddha for putting this wonderful reminder in my inbox this morning.

Today if things get overwhelming, take a deep breath and remind yourself: Your circumstances are temporary, but your peace can endure if you choose to nurture it.

And now the days get shorter…

Self-Portrait post meditation - the seam in my tank top used to run perpendicular with the floor! I love the new curve!

Yesterday was the Summer Solstice – the longest day of the year. How did you spend your hours of sunshine? I enjoyed mine inside. Before you start to roll your eyes at me for not taking my own advice and getting out in nature, let me explain. I had the house to myself! Cole spent the night at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. Christian went for a late night bike ride at the oceanfront. Alex was exhausted from his evening skateboard run. I took advantage of the quiet and practiced yoga and meditation. Lately my yoga practice has been lacking. When I do practice, I have been opting for the shorter version. Last night I indulged and did the extended practice.

Yoga I have missed you! No big surprise – My hips were tight. My shoulders didn’t want to open up. I was patient with my body. It soon opened up and let me in. I think everyone loves Savasana (corpse pose) – the last pose in the practice when you lay on the floor like a dead corpse. My body completely melted into the floor. Sweet Relief. About half way through, Eoin Finn said to relax your neck. That is when I become aware of ALL the tension I was holding there. As soon as I recognized it, I sent my breath to my neck and instantly felt it relax. I literally felt tons of tension and stress melt away. (hmmm…no wonder I have had a headache for two weeks). I even felt it pop a few times. Note to self – relax your neck!

Following the yoga practice, I did my 10 minute mediation with Eoin. Last night’s mediation focused on energy and space. It focused on feeling the vibrations of the world around us. To be honest, I don’t remember anything he said. My brain has never been so intune yet so disengaged. It was exactly what I needed. (I even had a dream last night that I did a study on mediating in different yoga poses.)

This morning I woke up headache free! Hooray for small miracles. Now that my energy is back and the morning sickness is going away, I need to be more diligent with my practice. Right now I am running 4 days a week. There is no reason why I can’t practice yoga 3 times a week. There is no reason why I can’t take 10 minutes to myself each evening to sit quietly. It is definitely something my body needs and craves.

All that we are is the result of what we have thought;
it is founded on our thoughts, it is made up of our thoughts. ~(Dhammapada, Chapter 1:1-2)

Can you believe it is summer already? The whole world feels alive during summer. It is the perfect time of year to take inventory of our lives. In what direction do you want your life to go? Take the time to sit quietly. Sit in a hammock. Sit under a tree. Sit in your favorite spot in your house. Taking the time to visualize your wants and dreams will lead you down the path you need to go. It’s time to remove negative thoughts from our daily process. Take ten minutes out of your day and sit quietly with yourself (No books! No cell phones! No babies attached to your hip! Just YOU!). Focus on all the good that exists within you. Focus on all the good that is around you. Tell yourself that you love you! Changing your thought pattern from a negative critical mindset to a more open, loving, and accepting mindset will give you the foundation to embrace yourself and your world. We are all worthy of having 10 minutes of quiet to ourselves (and if you think you don’t have ten minutes to spare. Email me. I will find 10 minutes for you during the day!)

Recently, this poem by Pablo Neruda was posted on the blissology website. Use it as a starting point for your 10 minutes of quiet time tonight. Enjoy!

Keeping Quiet

Now we will count to twelve
and we will all keep still.

This one time upon the earth,
let’s not speak any language,
let’s stop for one second,
and not move our arms so much.

It would be a delicious moment,
without hurry, without locomotives,
all of us would be together
in a sudden uneasiness.

The fishermen in the cold sea
would do no harm to the whales
and the peasant gathering salt
would look at his torn hands.

Those who prepare green wars,
wars of gas, wars of fire,
victories without survivors,
would put on clean clothing
and would walk alongside their brothers
in the shade, without doing a thing.

What I want shouldn’t be confused
with final inactivity:
life alone is what matters,
I want nothing to do with death.

If we weren’t unanimous
about keeping our lives so much in motion,
if we could do nothing for once,
perhaps a great silence would
interrupt this sadness,
this never understanding ourselves
and threatening ourselves with death,
perhaps the earth is teaching us
when everything seems to be dead
and then everything is alive.

Now I will count to twelve
and you keep quiet and I’ll go.
by Pablo Neruda

Hello Second Trimester! I’ve been waiting for you!

Yippee! Hallelujah! Let me do cart wheels across the parking lot! Today is the first day of my second trimester!

My first cart-wheel is to celebrate the little exhale (okay – Really big exhale) I think all expecting moms experience when they hit their second trimester. Our babies have made it through the rough water. It’s okay to get attached now (as if we weren’t before). It’s time to start shopping and planning and decorating.

My second cart-wheel is to celebrate what is supposed to be the blissful stage of pregnancy. My energy is already back. I hope the rest of my body takes the hint.

First Trimester Superlatives

Biggest Struggle – accepting my changing body! Although I have to say that yesterday I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I headed out for my evening run, and I started cracking up laughing. Where did my belly come from? I think it gets bigger as the day progresses. Is that possible? It always seems smaller in the morning, and it appears to take over by the end of the day. It’s also time for new running clothes. I was proud of my belly and body yesterday! Such a great feeling! Maybe it’s because I was heading out for run or maybe it just took a few weeks to mentally adapt. Either way, I’m hoping it sticks around majority of the time.

Greatest Sickness – For about 2 weeks I felt nauseous the entire time, but fortunately I haven’t thrown up a lot. It has only happened a handful of times. My biggest frustration has been exhaustion and headaches. They just won’t go away. Tylenol helps a little. Christian rubbing my neck and shoulders also helps. I went for a run yesterday to see if that would help some too. Knock on wood, I woke up with a head ache this morning but since I’ve taken Tylenol it is gone. I hope it stays away.

Best Moment – Telling Cole he is going to be a big brother. Well….Cole guessing that I had a baby in my belly. I love how he somehow knew without us even telling him!

Favorite Craving – French Fries. Don’t mind my child if he/she is born smelling like chick-fil-a waffle fries.

Biggest Discussion – Baby Names! We are pretty committed to our girl name, but are still up in the air on boy names. We will share more when we know the sex of the baby. In the meantime, if you’ve got a great idea for a boy name, send it our way! I’m not a fan of the top 100 list, but I’m always open to suggestions. In fact, our top boy name contender came from my friend at work Kandice – the same wonderful friend who is letting me borrow all her maternity clothes!

Biggest Surprise – All the baby love we are receiving from everyone! I’m amazed at the generosity of people. My sister bought us our first baby gift just days after finding out we were expecting. My parents surprised us by buying all the baby bedding. Christian’s parents sent us an email today asking if they could buy the crib for us. Kandice at work has loaned me all her maternity clothes. The list goes on and on. Thank you to everyone! And not just those who have given us material items. I’ve had so many friends sending me emails to see how I’m feeling. We have had the best congratulations from people we barely know. Baby love is amazing!

To kick off my second trimester, I am officially wearing my first pair of maternity pants (Yes! From Kandice!). I have been wearing skirts and dresses for weeks now. It feels good to have on a real pair of pants! We will also be ordering our crib this week thanks to Christian’s parents (I’ll post more about that when it arrives!). We have a healthy baby! We have the most cozy baby bedding thanks to my parents! We have a baby mobile! I also found 3 boxes of Cole’s baby clothes in my parents attic yesterday!

It’s starting to feel more and more like a baby is really on its way into our world! (Today the baby is a size of a lemon!)

And a few loose ends to tie up –

I didn’t get the job with the fire department! I know! Sad! But it is truly okay! I might not need to focus on a new job right now since I am about to become a mom again. And now I’m free to be open to even better experiences after Maute Moo arrives!

I did win a contest I entered last Friday at Women’s Running Magazine. All you had to do was email in a picture of your favorite place to run. I had just had the best run at First Landing State Park, so I sent in the pictures I took along the way to make sure I enjoyed myself. Remember this post? I sent the big picture on the post. And I won! I won a book called Fit by Nature. I can’t wait to get it in the mail. I think it’s going to be the perfect complement to my marathon training post-baby.

More on our Buddha Brothers

Our buddha brothers have settled into our house quite nicely. They have also been the source of an ongoing conversation since Saturday evening. Cole is very intrigued. When a 7 year is intrigued, they ask A LOT of questions. And I mean A LOT! Cole wants to know – Who is Buddha? Is he a Monk? Where do monks live? Why is he bald? Why does he always sit criss-cross apple sauce (indian style)? What does the spiritual world look like? Does it have color? What happens when you meditate? How do you know if you are doing it? and the list goes on and on….

All of these are fantastic questions, but not one of them has a simple answer.

To complicate matters, Christian and I don’t believe in organized religion. We fall into the cliché category all the young kids are making trendy now days – we aren’t religious, but we are spiritual. We don’t go to church. We don’t read the bible. I do believe there are a lot of life lessons and values in religious teachings that we should practice. I believe they exist in the in every religion.

This leaves one big question that often lingers over my head…What do we teach our children?

Here is a list I have put together for our family. It’s what works for us. I hope every family takes the time to figure out what works for them.

Instill an appreciation of nature – Nature is a true gift. Our survival depends on the health of our planet. I hope our children learn about life through nature. It will teach them everything they need to know.
Take time to answer questions – If I don’t know the answer, I’m okay with saying I don’t know. I will find an answer though. (google is a wonderful parenting tool!) Using pretend situations also works wonderfully with Cole.
Teach life lessons through small daily interactions. It doesn’t have to be a huge conversation. Pointing out the wonders of our world will make our children aware of what is going on around them.
Practice quiet time – Cole is very intrigued by mediation lately. I need to make a point to sit quietly with him. It doesn’t have to be an in-depth meditation practice. Just sitting quietly together will establish a foundation for growth and learning.
Teach respect. I hope our children appreciate the differences in everyone and embrace the qualities in them that make them unique.

Thank you to our Buddha brothers for starting a fun family conversation. I’ve been finding small fun facts about Buddha and monks online and sharing them with Cole. I hope I can keep answering the questions he asks on daily basis. Teaching spirituality to our children isn’t something I want to take lightly. I hope to create a strong foundation for our children that is open, accepting, and rooted in nature. I hope it gives them the freedom to choose their own beliefs as they turn into adults.