Every night as I’m getting ready for bed, my thoughts wander to my running for the next day. Where should I run? My neighborhood, the park, the boardwalk, along the bay? The sunrise draws me to the beach. The sunset keeps me in my neighborhood. It’s a simple choice, but it’s a choice that brings motivation to my run.
Saturday night I laid in bed wondering where my run would take me Sunday morning. I had 14 miles to tackle yet again. I decided to run the same route as last week. It allows me to leave my water bottle at home, I have bathrooms available if needed, and it touches so many portions of Virginia Beach that I love.
Sunday morning did not go as planned. Chet wet the bed. He woke up with a fever. Christian and I let the little things bother us both. I left the house later than I hoped, and the sun was already high in the sky. One mile in I let the excitement of Chicago pull me into my run. Two miles in I let the excitement of the boardwalk pull me forward. At mile 3, my brain shut down. I ran straight into a wall of heat and instantly felt sick. It was too much.
Some times life is too much.
I considered running forward. I ran a few blocks and my stomach was turning. My head shut down. I just didn’t have it in me to push forward. I turned around, fell apart for a few miles, picked myself back up, and finished my run. It was enough for that Sunday.
In the midst of my falling apart and picking myself back up, it all felt familiar. I’ve travelled this road before. When I trained for the Richmond Marathon in 2013, I hit a road block at this same place.
I’ve plotted this course before.
I’m rereading my own words. I’m rereading every post I wrote during my training cycle for Richmond. I already know what I need.
Shine On: I give myself permission to live with a light heart.
Redefining Perfect: Race day may not be perfect, but I can make it perfect for me. My marriage with my husband is real. It’s not perfect. We argue. We nag. We forgot that our relationship is perfect for us, but he loves me better than anyone and I absolutely adore him. Motherhood is hard. I forget to sign homework papers. I forget to put money into lunch accounts. I count down the minutes until bedtime. My running is never perfect. Runs rarely go according to plan, but I’ve learned to run what my body is asking for on every single run.
(Fill in the blank) Heart: When I embrace each day from this place of self acceptance, there isn’t a need to guard my heart. I don’t need the armor anymore.
Reaching for Richmond: I’m drawing a heart on my hand on race day to remind me that this race is about running from my heart. It’s about lifting myself up during the hard miles. It’s about being my own cheerleader. It’s about running each mile. I won’t be chasing a pace on my garmin or on the finish line clock. I’m not even sure I want my pace showing on race day. I know what I’m capable of running when I allow my body to run. I know when I’m giving it everything I’ve got.
As I talked to Jerry today, he brought my perspective back to a place of gratitude. He was quick to remind me that I’m not running for Chicago. I’m not running for the next marathon or the marathon after that one. I’m running to bring out the best in myself. On Saturday night’s when I’m plotting my course for the run the next day, I’m not plotting the course to a finish line. I’m embracing where I’m at. I’m celebrating the process.
Richmond has made me stronger for Chicago, and Chicago will make me stronger for where ever my course takes me.
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Tomorrow I’ll be tackling 12×400 repeats while the sunrises next to me.
82 days until Chicago!