All is right in my world

Cole is Home! Cole is Home! Cole is Home! Oh how I miss that crazy 7-year-old boy when he is gone. I adjust and adapt my routine, and the days go by.  As soon as I see his little sweet face come off the airplane, I realize the big gap that exists in my life when he isn’t around. Christian is also on his way back in town tonight, so our house will be back to normal.

Home Sweet Home

Along with Cole coming home, the weather has shifted here in Virginia.  It can breathe outside again.  It’s in the low 80s today with only 55% percent humidity! Yesterday morning it was in the upper 80s when I woke up with 93% humidity.  It’s time to get back on the running bandwagon.  Since last Monday, I haven’t run. I’ve swam twice. I hiked a mountain once. I miss my running shoes.  I’m going to tackle a late night 3 mile run tomorrow morning.  I also have a 7 mile run planned for first thing Saturday morning.  My goal is to be out the door by 5:15 am so it doesn’t interfere with weekend plans. I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!

Our household is back to full capacity. I will jumpstart my run again tomorrow morning. AND today is Day 1 of my next 40 day goal challenge.  I’m really proud of the success I had with my last set of goals.  The only things not crossed off the list were:

  • Get Cole to a yoga class – I honestly tried. I had everything ready to go for the Monday night kids yoga at Bamboo studio AND it was the only Monday they were taking off for the summer.  Go figure.  Cole left that week, so I didn’t get a chance to try again
  • Start Composting – Yikes! Not Yet! Shame on me! I’m sick of feeling guilty about throwing things in the trash. Sometimes you just need to “fail” something to spark your motivation. This will be crossed off the list next time.
  • Make a Rain Barrel – Again! What is wrong with me? I have the perfect spot for it too.  SO instead of buying myself a completely useless baby item as my reward for this goal challenge, I’m buying a rain barrel. A local organization, Lynnhaven River Now, sells them.  Not only will it allow us to do our part to conserve water usage, we are giving our money to an organization that is saving the river in our own backyard. Win! Win!

My new goals are posted under the 40 day goal challenge tab if you’d like to follow along – OR – even better! Joining me in the process. I started this process a few months ago, and love it.  #1 – I LOVE LISTS. I love checklists. I love budgets. I love training plans. I like things planned out on paper so the guess work is eliminated.  #2 – I was starting to feel overwhelmed by how many times I kept saying I’m going to get around to _____ or one day I’m going to tackle _______. My goals are my way of making sure I’m making forward progress in my life.

With jobs and career up in the air lately, I don’t exactly know what direction I’m heading. I do know that I’m in a good place. I’m doing good things for my family. I’m moving in a positive directions.  Good things will fall in place if I keep my life goals in mind when making life decisions. I can’t control the big things in life. I can’t control career opportunities. I can’t control the weather, the economy, or the progress of the world around me. What I can control is me – my decisions, my actions, and my behaviors. I choose to live my life as positively as possible. I choose to live as healthy as possible. I choose to live as green as possible. I have no doubt that these choices will put me exactly where I belong.

Let me know if you want to join me in my 40 day goal challenge. I’d love to have the company!

Happy Birthday Camden!

Today is the last day of my 3rd 40 day goal challenge, but I’ve got bigger things to talk about. I’ll recap my goals and post new ones tomorrow.  Today is my niece’s birthday.  She is the BIG 2 today!  Happy Birthday Camden Marie! You are the sweetest, smiley-est, cutest, bestest little mama I’m lucky enough to know.

My sister and David had the family over for dinner tonight.  It’s these family moments that make me happy to live back in the state of Virginia again. I’m pretty lucky to be able to spend Camden’s 2nd birthday with her. We colored. We ate cupcakes. I got the best frosting facing kiss ever.

Happy Happy Birthday Camden!

Birthday Girl!

Two more hours and Cole will be home!!!!

Week 17 already!

Before I talk all about Maute Moo, I want to say thank you to everyone for your support and kind words yesterday! It was a hard day for me. Fortunately I have a good relationship with Cole’s step-mom.  She reached out to me after Brian’s email.  She and I were able to email back and forth last night about the situation, and I’m comfortable with the outcome.  Cole is the only one who can and should decide how he addresses his parents. They will not be discussing it with him.  In return, I am going to try to be more sensitive to Brian’s feelings about parenting from another state.  I will gladly carry the burden so Cole doesn’t have to.

Parenting with an ex is hard.  There is a reason you aren’t together anymore. You don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things in life. I am so thankful that I am able to maintain an open relationship with Cole’s dad and step-mom.  I don’t often say all the things I want to say. I leave emotion out of the equation as much as possible.  This allows us to talk (even if it just through email) as adults about the thing that matters most – Cole.  We don’t always get it right. Sometimes it isn’t easy, but I’m trying!

Cole comes home tomorrow!!! (I took this picture last time he came home!)

Today is OH SO MUCH BETTER than yesterday! Thank goodness for a fresh start.  Maute Moo is 17 weeks today (I’ve decided to use on the week count on my iPhone app. Some books say 16 weeks. I like 17 weeks better).  Can you believe it? I feel like time is flying by.

Energy – I’m still feeling good. My energy levels are still up.  I have been hitting a wall lately around 2pm. It takes everything I’ve got not to fall asleep at my desk at work.  I normally nap when I get home or at least rest for about an hour.

Cravings – Goodbye french fry cravings. They haven’t surfaced in a while. I’m addicted to fruit and tacos lately – not at the same time unless it’s a fish taco!  I’ve been making smoothies daily. I’m addicted to kiwi.  Apples are a must-have.  Our fridge is full of fresh pineapple and berries. Lucky for me it’s all in season right now.  With my fruit craving, I’m also loving tacos lately (more than usual).  Tijuana Flats has become our second kitchen.  We have gone from eating there every Tuesday for taco tuesdays to 2-3 a week.  Fortunately all of the products are fresh (never frozen), and it’s relatively good for me. I’m aiming for less than an 8lb weight gain this month! Fingers crossed! (if not, there is always next month!)

Running- What running? I haven’t run since last Monday.  It’s too dang hot outside! I woke up at 5:30 this morning to run. It was already in the 80s with 90% humidity. No thank you. Fortunately the temperatures are supposed to get to the lower 80s for a high this weekend. I’m just going to pick up where I left off on my training plan. A 9 mile hike up a mountain can certainly takes the place of a 6 mile jog in my training plan!

The big baby topic this week is to find out the sex of the baby or not.  Both Christian and I just assumed that we would from the start. We never really discussed it.  This weekend we are visiting his brother’s family in Northern Virginia.  Jessi (sister-in-law) is an OB/GYN and has offered to do an ultrasound.  That means I could know on Saturday if we are having a Miss Maute Moo or a Mr. Maute Moo.

I thought for sure I would want to know. Now I’m not so sure. It seems too soon.  I’m not even half way through the pregnancy. I’m kind of enjoying the suspense. We have decided not to do an ultrasound this weekend (I think!). We will revisit the discussion before my 20 week ultrasound with our OB/GYN.  That is the plan anyways.  Like all good plans, it could always change.  We will see how the weekend goes!

Girl or Boy? Guesses? If you believe in all the wives tales, here are Maute Moo’s clues to his/her gender:

  • I’m gaining weight all over.
  • My skin is horrible.
  • Heartrate – 140 bpm
  • Based on Maute Moo’s due date and my period cycle, we had sex a day or two before ovulation possibly occurred (this is just a guess. We weren’t tracking it since it was my first month off of birth control).
  • Chinese Calender says Boy
  • Mommy Moo intuition says Girl
I can't resist the cute cow pictures!

Term of Endearment

I woke up this morning after having a dream that Cole was sick at school with a really high fever.  In the real world, that is the reality of raising a child. They get sick a school. You pick them up. You take them home and give them a few extra snuggles.  In my dream it was earth shattering.  I couldn’t snuggle him enough, and he was just out of my reach.

Cole has been gone now for a little over two weeks, and I miss him like crazy.  Christian and I will jokingly repeat our daily routine conversations as if Cole is home all the time. The clock hits 7:45 pm – Okay Cole! Time to pick out books and get ready for bed!  I leave for work in the morning and ask Christian to have Cole call me when he wakes up.  We sit down to dinner and pretend to tell Cole to sit down and eat.  At little crazy? Maybe? Can you tell we miss him?

When I woke up from my dream this morning I not only emotionally missed Cole, but I physically missed him too.  I really just want a hug from the monster.  I’ll even take a high-five.

Waking up wishing I could hug Cole was just the beginning.  My desire to scoop Cole up and give him a squeeze progressed further into my morning.  Shortly after arriving at work, I received an email from Cole’s dad.  He’s email was short, to the point, and demanded that I take immediate action to fix what he views to be a problem…..

.…On the last day of 1st grade, Cole came home with a cherished yearbook.  He clung to it as he got off the school bus.  His one and only request on his last day of school was that Christian and I sign his yearbook.  Knowing there will be a day that I’m not allowed near his yearbook, I was honored to be the first to sign.  I wrote the typical mom stuff. I’m proud of you. You are awesome. Look at what you learned this year.

As soon as Christian got home from work, Cole started following him around with his yearbook and a pen.  “Sign my yearbook please?”  Christian expressed his love and pride for Cole also.  When Christian went to sign the yearbook, he asked Cole how he wanted him to sign his name.  Christian? Bobblehead (a silly nickname Christian acquired from Cole and my niece)? Step-dad?  Cole asked him to sign it as “Dad”….

Cole took his yearbook with him to his dad’s house for his 3 week visit.  I imagine he asked both Brian and Andrea to sign his yearbook also.  Brian saw were Christian signed his name as dad.  This is what prompted his email.  According to his dad, Cole is only allowed to call him dad.  Cole is not allowed to call anyone else (Christian) dad.  Brian doesn’t want to open his yearbook and see it signed dad. He also doesn’t want to hear stories from Cole about when his dad took him fishing.

My heart sank. Already missing Cole this morning, my desire to scoop him up and hold him turned on full force.  I fought back a sudden flood of tears.  My poor Cole.  His love is so simply. It’s so pure. It’s so genuine.  I will never demand that he call or not call anyone by any term of endearment. I want him to love openly.  In my world, Cole has 4 amazing parents who love him.  I’m so thankful for his relationship with his step-mom.  If he wants to call her mom, I embrace the idea…..

…..As soon as Cole asked Christian to sign his yearbook as “dad”, Christian and I both looked at each other surprised. He rarely calls him dad in person.  Occasionally he comes home with a school assignment when he describes Christian as his dad.  Ninety percent of the time he calls him Christian and refers to him as his step dad.

Matching our feelings of surprise was our feeling of pride.  We think of ourselves as a family.  Christian certainly plays the role of dad in Cole’s day-to-day life.  Christian thinks of Cole as his son.  I think we were both touched that Cole wanted Christian to use this term of endearment in her yearbook…..

I can understand Brian’s surprise when he opened up Cole’s yearbook. I can even understand insecurities that may have surfaced. In hindsight, I should have discussed it with him before Cole arrived at their house.  That was my neglect.  What I don’t understand is the demands on placing limitations on how Cole expresses his love.  I hope Brian didn’t already discuss with Cole how he is supposed to address all the parents in his life. I don’t want Cole to feel guilty for his love for Christian.  I hope Brian thought through the process before he reacted emotionally.  I can understand where Brian is coming from.  Cole is leaving in two days.  I can’t imagine not being with him day in and day out.  The routine has to be hard on him emotionally. It is also hard on Cole. No matter where he is living, he is always missing someone. When he is here, he misses Brian.  When he is there, he misses me.  That is a big burden for a 7-year-old to carry.  The last thing I want Cole to carry with him is additional guilt for loving all of his parents equally.

At the end of the day, Cole has 4 parents who love him.  We might have different ideas of how that love should be expressed for Cole, but it all stems from our love for him. In the world of divorced parents, I will gladly take this issue over any other.  I just hope that Cole doesn’t have to be a part of this very adult conversation.

A Picnic in the Clouds on top of Old Rag

We are back! And I’m so happy to be writing this post from my couch with my feet propped up.  I can officially check “hike to the top of mountain while pregnant” off my to-do list.

Home Sweet Home

We got out of town right on time Thursday night.  We thought we’d make it to the campsite in time to enjoy a camp fire and smores before we called it a night.  We were wrong.  Traffic was horrible.  The Hampton Roads Bridge Tunnel was backed up as it always is during the summer months.  I had to take two pee stops in route. We also had to stop for some dinner because my belly was rumbling.  If I let myself get too hungry, nausea quickly follows.  We finally made it to camp shortly before 10pm at night.  Out came our headlamps (the one Christian uses for house repairs), and up went our tent.  Fortunately it only takes about 5 minutes to pitch our tent.  We ate a quick apple, and we called it a night.

Friday morning we woke up with the sun.  We were out of our tent preparing breakfast by 5:30am – No alarm clock required, only Mother Nature.  We quickly got ready and headed out for Old Rag Mountain.  It was a little further than we expect.  It took us about 45 minutes to get there.  We wanted to arrive as early as possible.  We have heard from friends and all the reviews online that Old Rag gets crowded fast.  We planned our trip Friday to avoid weekend traffic.  When we got to the parking lot, it was practically empty. Score! Planning a trip to Old Rag? Go Early. Go on a day that is calling for rain – our forecast for the day was showers during the day and thunderstorms at night.  We know Virginia weather normally predicts rain almost every day in the summer.  If it does rain, it quickly passes.  The gamble worked to our advantage most of the day.  We only saw about a dozen people the entire day.

On the Road to Old Rag - The summit is in the background

The hike to the top of Old Rag is about 3 miles long with 2500 feet of elevation gain.  The first 1/3 of the hike was in thick dense forest that followed a lot of switch backs up the mountain. It was hot, and the elevation gain was difficult for me.  I had to take several breaks to drink some water and even out my breathing.  There were a few points in the hike that I wondered if I got myself into something I shouldn’t be tackling.

Not having hiked Old Rag before, I didn’t know what was ahead of me on the trail.  Tackling new tasks and trusting where I’m going (without knowing) always makes me anxious.  I’m a planner.  Even though we thoroughly planned this trip, getting 1/3 of the way up the mountain already feeling tired and being uncertain of what terrain was ahead of us made me really anxious. As quickly as my nerves showed up, the quickly went away. We meet a really nice couple in the parking lot.  On one of my breaks to eat a quick bar, they passed us along the trail.  As they passed, they said they were so impressed that I was hiking up a mountain pregnant and keeping at the pace we were going.  I think that’s when all my anxiety disappeared. It’s sad that I need affirmations from a couple I don’t know, but it was so nice to receive a pat on the back from someone I don’t know. It’s like running a race and hearing someone cheer your name.  It just gives you a boost of energy. I was climbing a mountain that is rated difficult by the National Park System PREGNANT.  Most people don’t even tackle this task in their lifetime.  Of course I needed breaks.  I am not always easy on myself.  Talking to the couple was a nice reminder to pat myself on the back.  (Christian does it all the time, but it is different when it comes from someone you don’t know.)

Thank you to the nice couple for taking our photo!

As soon as the picture above was taken, the clouds started to roll in.  It sprinkled for a few minutes, but quickly passed.  With the passing rain, the sought after views on Old Rag also disappeared.  The clouds were there to stay.

Ahead of us was what we went to the mountain looking to tackle – Rock Scrambling.  It is one of my favorite things to do. Rock Scrambling is a mix of hiking and mountain climbing.  You have to climb up/across/through/under rock formations using your hands, feet and other body parts to support your body weight and maintain your balance.  It’s always challenging. With the challenge comes the reward of completing the task.  I love seeing how differently Christian and I approach each challenge. A lot of the formations require you to find foot holds and hand holds in the rock itself. Rarely do we ever follow the same path. What is comfortable for me isn’t always comfortable for him and vice versa. Christian and I fell in love with rock scrambling on our honeymoon in Zion National Park. Old Rag definitely did not leave us disappointed.

One of the Rock Scrambles

Some are definitely more challenging the others. Old Rag had a variety of all levels.  My biggest challenge was over coming my growing stomach.  I can’t bend and twist like I could pre-pregnancy. I normally don’t want to accept help from Christian during these tasks.  He has learned to watch quietly so I can figure things out on my own.  Pregnant or not, I still didn’t need his help! There were a few spots were I made sure he was close in case I lost my balance or footing. I also didn’t take the hard way for any of the climbs. Pregnant or not, it feels great to get to the top of each scramble.

At the top of the scrambles we stopped and ate lunch on a huge boulder.  We literally had a picnic in the clouds.  It was such a surreal experience. We were sitting at 3300 feet above sea level in a cloud eating peanut butter sandwiches and carrots.  I didn’t even miss the views that Old Rag is famous for having. I’ll take a cloud picnic any day!

The perfect picnic location
Big Rock, Little Me
Relaxing in a Cloud

Shortly after lunch, we reached the summit and made our way back down the mountain.  About 2 miles from our car, the thunderstorms rolled in.  We walked the last 2 miles in the rain.  Fortunately we were back in the woods, and the canopy protected us from the down pour.  This hike is definitely a must-do again post-baby.  I’d love to climb Old Rag in the fall on a less cloudy day. It’s also supposed to be beautiful in May when all the wild flowers are in bloom.

We made it!
Christian on top of the summit

Lessons learned about hiking while pregnant –  I think 9 miles is my max mileage amount when elevation and rough terrain are involved.  At about 8 miles, my hips started throbbing.  I felt like I had a bowling ball resting on my pelvic bone.  Although I love my hiking shoes, I think it I need a shoe with a little more cushion for the down climb. I definitely ate enough and drank enough water.  My camelbak is my new best friend (an unexpected Christmas gift from my sister a few years ago. Who knew we’d become inseparable!).

I already miss the mountains. We are heading back to camp with Cole in September. We won’t be climbing Old Rag, but there is so much to explore in the park. This weekend was everything I need it to be. It was relaxing. It was rewarding. It was renewing for both my energy levels and for my relationship with Christian. There is nothing better than a weekend spent outside exploring nature with your best friend.  Having a baby on board made it even more special.  I can’t wait to tell Maute Moo I climbed a mountain with him/her in my belly!

After hiking 9 miles in 7 hours and burning 2300 calories, I deserved my two smores!