Hurricane Arthur put a damper on fourth of July plans here in Virginia Beach. While the morning of the fourth was a wash out, the rest of the weekend has been beautiful. Pool parties and fireworks were rescheduled. This all worked out great for our family because Cole came home Saturday afternoon. He made it home from fireworks on the beach, and a cookout with our favorite family friends.
Our entire family sat poolside this afternoon enjoying low humidity and gorgeous summertime weather. My contribution to the cookout was a no brainer. My family requests this dish several times a year:
Ingredients:
8 ounces uncooked pasta
2 large onions chopped 1/2 pound fresh mushrooms, sliced (mushrooms omitted for preference reasons)
1/2 cup green red and orange bell peppers, chopped (color changed for visual appeal)
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup butter
16 ounces crab meat, chopped
1/2 cup sour cream
2 teaspoons salt
1 1/2 teaspoon basil
1 1/2 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
**I also added a bunch of asparagus, chopped, to the veggie mix
Directions:
Cook pasta according to directions.
Meanwhile in a skillet, saute onion, garlic, mushrooms and green pepper in butter until crisp tender. Remove from the heat. Drain pasta; add to vegetable mixture. Stir in crab, sour cream, basil and salt.
Transfer to 2 greased 8-inch baking dishes. Sprinkle with cheese. If you don’t wish to cook both, at this point you can cover and freeze one casserole for up to 1 month.
Cover and bake the second one for 20 minutes at 350 degrees F. Uncover and bake for 5 more minutes.
Notes: I used one box of pasta (about 14 ounces) and doubled up on the veggies and other ingredients to make a huge family size portion with leftovers for lunch.
This recipes will always be connected to summer family cookouts. I hope you enjoy it too!
Fear. Google it and you will find many different definitions. It’s a noun. It’s a verb. Pick one that works for you.
I’ve been taught by the world that fear is a bad thing. Fear is something to avoid. When I’m feeling afraid, I tend to ignore it. In all honesty, I usually don’t identify the emotion until it has spilled over into another aspect of my life. In my body fear translates itself into anxiety. It manifests itself into stress. It hides behind the illusion of depression. I feel the anxiety, the stress, and the depression long before I’ve identified my fear. This is my reality.
When a spot on my back wouldn’t go away, I decided it was time to visit a dermatologist. It had been months. I no longer believed it was just a hot spot caused by the rubbing of my sports bra. It wasn’t healing. It was getting bigger. And it was starting to make me nervous. The biopsy results confirmed that it wasn’t a hot spot. It was basal cell carcinoma.
Carcinoma. Google it and you will find one definition. It’s a noun. Cancer. This definition doesn’t work for me.
I’ve been taught by the world that cancer is a bad thing. The logical part of my brain knows that basal cell carcinoma is common. The logical part of my brain knows that basal cell carcinoma doesn’t spread to other organs. I know it is not life threatening. I know it’s really not that big of deal so I made my appointment with the plastic surgeon to have it removed. No big deal.
Except the word cancer feels like a really big deal. While the logical part of me knows the only inconvenience of having this spot on my back removed is two weeks of no running or yoga while the area heals, my heart is afraid. Fear has creeped it the space left by the cancer on my body. I’ve seen cancer in action. It’s taken two people I hold close to my heart. My heart has led my brain down the dangerous road of what if. What if this is indication of future health problems? What if this means my body welcomes cancerous cells? I wish this spot had a different name.
This morning I set out for a sunrise run knowing I wouldn’t get to run tonight (but not knowing it would really be two more weeks). Mile repeats were on my schedule. When the miles got tough, the fear I’ve been feeling took over. The miles were harder than they needed to be. My fear of cancer became suffocating during the run. That’s the thing about fear. It creeps in. It doesn’t care what the source is. It doesn’t care if it belongs or not. It takes advantage of the empty spaces, and it fills them up. The same is true for cancer. It can consume every aspect of your life.
Today when I walked into the plastic surgeon’s office to have the spot removed, I didn’t choose the easy route for removal. I decided to be aggressive. I didn’t want to tip-toe around the spot on my back just to avoid cosmetic scarring. I wanted it all gone. I wanted to rid my body of the fear I was feeling from this cancerous spot. I didn’t want to wonder if it was coming back. Once my back was numb, I had a few minutes to myself to wait for it all to sink it. My lip trembled from fear and tears that wanted to spill out. I know logically I have nothing to fear, but fear isn’t logical. Fear is emotional.
While the world has taught me that fear is a bad thing, that it is something to avoid, I no longer agree. Fear is a good thing. It is a good emotion. It is the fear of cancer that allows me to choose the aggressive route of ridding my body of the basal cell carcinoma. It is fear that gives me the courage to stand tall knowing the timid route isn’t right for me. It is fear that propels me forward instead of hiding in the shadows of the unknown.
When fear takes over whether it is logical or not, I have to remember it is a chance for me to rise to the occasion. It is a chance to propel myself forward. It’s an opportunity to grow. Fear is just an indicator that something amazing is waiting for me around the corner. Fear isn’t something to fear. Fear is something to be embraced.
“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chadron
Let’s keep it real. June has been a tough month for me emotionally. I’ve felt a little fragile this month. I’ve lost sight of my objective for the year. I think I forgot to breath. The whirlwind of the changes that came have settled nicely into place, and I just forgot to breath. I’ve been a little too guarded, a little too aware of myself, and a little too detached emotionally from the things that I love. Life knocked me out of balance for the month.
This is why setting intentions is good. This is why revisiting these intentions is good. This is why it is important to state out loud exactly what you want. It brings you back. When life sends me spinning or sends me into hiding, my intentions, my words, bring me back.
June has brought with it the end of the school year for Cole and the start of the school journey for Chet. It has been a reminder of how much I value my relationship with Christian. He spent nearly two weeks on the couch thanks to back problems. It has hand delivered some wonderful new friendships, and magnified the friendships I already have in place. I got to watch two of my favorite people say “I do”. I got to run miles with friends who just understand me. I’ve got to see Cole grow into a pretty cool preteen while at the same time Chet has blossomed into quite a kid.
In reality June has been really awesome, I’ve just been emotionally afraid. I’ve been afraid of the vulnerability that comes from allowing myself to be seen. I’ve been afraid of failing on so many levels.
“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chadron
My running coach Ryan sent me my training plan last week with a note attached to it. Don’t be afraid to fail. Perhaps that is what this month has shown me most. I have a fear of failing at relationships, at love, at friendships, at mothering, at running, and finding success in my life. I fear failing, but the only thing that is holding me back from my own success story is that of fear. It is always me that gets in my own way.
“Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all answers in advance, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert
It’s time to face July face-first and with full-speed. I do not need to fear failing.
The best part of Sunday Salads: people share recipes with me all the time. My friend Nicole sent me a recipe via facebook earlier this week, and I knew I had to try it. When I got in the kitchen tonight, I did some modifying and created a dish of my own. We had some berries to eat up, and this seemed like a perfect match.
Quinoa, cooked (1 cup uncooked, approximately 4 cups cooked)
Strawberries, chopped
Blueberries
Orange, peeled, separated, diced
Dressing:
Lime Juice, 2 limes
Orange Juice, 1 orange
2 tbsp. olive oil
2 tbsp. honey
1/2 cup Cilantro, chopped
Directions:
1. Cook quinoa
2. Chop up fruit
3. Make Dressing, whisk together
4. Mix together in bowl
Today Christian spent his day on the water fishing. He brought home Red Drum which we fried for dinner. The quinoa salad topped with fish and avocado was a perfect match.
For lunch tomorrow I’ll be enjoying the same quinoa salad with grilled chicken (marinated with coconut oil, garlic, and paprika) and goat cheese.
On Thursday afternoon I sat in a room with all of my coworkers and Shawn Achor. Shawn Achor was just on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday for two weekends in a row. He has one of the most viewed Ted Talks. There is a reason for all of this. What he has to share with world needs to be heard. He is a happiness researcher. His words echoed into my heart, and I’ve been trying to hold on to them.
Happiness is our choice. We choose which lense we use to view life. Why not train our brain to find patterns of happiness instead of patterns of stress, depression or pessimism? During the two hours he spoke with us, he repeated this phrase several times, and I quickly reached for my pen to write it down.
Breath. Depth. and Meaning.
I took these words to heart. I interpreted them to fit my life. If I focus on my now, if I take the time to pay attention to my inhales and exhales, this allows me to view life through a lense of happiness. If I take the time to move beyond living life on the surface, this allows me to view life through a lense of happiness. If I do things that give meaning to my life, this allows me to view life through a lense of happiness.
Breath. Depth. and Meaning.
Today I headed to the CHKD 8k Run/Walk. My intention was to carry these words with me. I was running on Operation Smile’s Team World Care. We were running to say thank you to the children’s hospital for taking such amazing care of our world care patients. Running is a privilege I don’t take for granted.
The race took off, and I fell into a comfortable pace (except it was too fast). I had no goal for this race except I wanted to remember why I was running. I wasn’t running for a race clock. I was running to say thank you. I forgot all of this in the third mile when things got hot. I forgot all of this when I started to hold the tension in my hips. I forgot all of this when I started to think I wasn’t capable. My brain shut down. My body gave up with it. I got irritated with myself. The negative self talk took over.
Just past the fourth mile marker a girl ran by filled with optimism. She was cheering for everyone. It was the reality check I needed to get my head in check. It was the reality check that got me to the finish line pushing instead of giving in.
Breath. Depth. and Meaning.
Not too long after my finish, I was joined by more coworkers. We were joined by our world care patient from Haiti. We walked the 1 mile fun walk together and celebrated the importance of life. This young lady that joined me on the race course has spent her entire life hiding behind a four pound tumor that had grown on her face. Thanks to some really amazing people and this amazing Children’s Hospital, she will see another birthday. The tumor has been removed forever. I ran one bad mile. Life was put back in perspective.
Breath. Depth. and Meaning.
During Shawn Achor’s talk he reminded us that choosing happiness isn’t about being naïve. It isn’t about turning our backs on the real sadness and heart ache in our world. It’s about looking for patterns in our life, patterns of gratitude and appreciation for what we do have. I am lucky enough to live in a culture that encourages me to chase my dreams. I am lucky enough to have the chance to grow as a person. Every single day I get to work on fine tuning my well-being because I live with a healthy body.
I have work I want to do. It’s not work that I have to do. It’s a privilege. I want to learn to be strong in the middle of my race. I want to learn to hang on when things get tough. I want to learn to fight for my potential. I’ve got work to do. This is my privilege.
Garmin: 5.04 in 46:25, 8:34, 9:02, 8:53, 11:05, 8:45, 5:37 across the finish line (talk about potential!)
When I crossed the finish line today, I viewed my race as a failure. I was done racing for a while. The one mile walk with our world care patient changed that. I was using the wrong lense to view my run. Today’s run wasn’t a failure. It was a chance to see where my weaknesses exist. It was chance to see where I have the potential to grow. This is how I want to view my life. This is the lense I’m choosing.
Kristy Maute 