Cole gets back from his dad’s house tonight. I can’t wait to squeeze my big monster. I’m ready to establish our new family dynamics. I’m ready to figure out how to juggle the bus stop, homework, breast-feeding, baby sleep schedules, and family dinner (okay….maybe I’m not really ready, but the sooner we start the sooner it can feel normal).
What I really can’t wait for is to see Cole grow into becoming Chet’s big brother. Based on Chet’s behavior this week, it looks like I have another blond-haired jabber jaws in my life.
Happy Boys
Chet
Cole
Chet - coming home from the hospital in Cole's clothes
Posting a day late – Sorry! I was busy 🙂 Eat, Poop, Play, Sleep, Repeat…..
Warning: Lots of Boob talk and references to nipples (yes! my blog has been taken over by baby talk for today!)
Our itty bitty baby celebrated one week of life yesterday. It’s crazy and wonderful (and a little sad) how much he has already changed since his birth. Knock on Wood….he is an incredibly easy baby so far. I may eat those words later on, but it has made transitioning back to life with a newborn pretty easy in our house.
Eating:Â The most challenging day so far was our second night in the hospital. Chet loves to suck. I didn’t have my milk supply yet. He wanted to be latch on to my boob almost every 30 minutes for 20 minutes at a time. We caved in and gave him a pacifier. If I had trouble nursing, I probably would have stayed strong BUT the boy loves my boobs. My boobs needed a break. My milk came in shortly after we arrive home (about 48 hours after he was born). Since then he nurses anywhere from every 2-4 hours. He started off eating every hour and a half, but now we are settling in at about 3+ hours between each feeding.
Chet’s new adorable habit is to talk to my boob before he eats. He coos away for about 10 minutes before he latches on.
Sleeping: He sleeps great for a newborn. A normal(ish) night in our household has followed this pattern for the past week: Bed at 11pm, 1am feeding, 4am feeding, 8am feeding. This has allowed me to get 2-3 hours of sleep in between feedings which has felt glorious.
Last night Chet and I lost his pacifier somewhere between eating and changing his diaper. I went on a frantic search in the dark trying to find where I lost it between my chair and his diaper changing table. It was no where. Ten minutes later I found it. It was swaddled in his blanket with him. Oops!
Wake-up Sequence #1
Play: I think the extra belly cooking time was great for Chet (shame on me for complaining!). The past few days, he has started to stay awake after each feeding. We are getting to enjoy 30 minutes to an hour of play time with Chet. He loves his black and white rattles. He is already trying to track them with his eyes and by sound. He’s also exploring the wonderful world of belly time. He’s spent a big 5 minutes on his belly daily and really seemed to enjoy it.
Personality: Incredibly laid back. He rarely cries unless he is hungry and doesn’t want to be bothered with a diaper change. I know they aren’t real smiles yet, but he is super smiley. He’s definitely exercising all the muscles in his face. He smiles all the time. He also has a super serious forehead. His facial expressions crack me up.
Wake-up Sequence #2
Things I wish I had known/done going into this week: I wish I had a dull light next to my nighttime feeding chair. One night of playing find the nipple in the dark was enough for me. Ouch! That one night of Ouch! led to cracked nipples. Cracked nipples led to bleeding nipples. Bleeding nipples led to blood in Chet’s spit up WHICH SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME! Thank goodness for the baby book on our coffee table and a calm husband. I was ready to rush to the ER with tears streaming down my face. Little did I know that it is pretty common.
I also wish I had spent a little more time researching pediatricians. I went with the doctors that have been seeing Cole since we moved back to Virginia. After our appointment on Monday, we will no longer being taking either of the boys to that office. Leaving a mom and her four-day old baby in the waiting room (even though it was the well waiting room) for over an hour is not acceptable. A simple congrats goes a long way. Front desk personnel should smile. Parents of healthy kids should cover their mouth when they sneeze. Doctors should be friendly to new emotional moms. Pediatricians should have places for mom’s to breast feed. The good news that followed that stressful appointment is that Chet is back up and over his birth weight (4 days after his birth). I told you the boy likes to eat! I wish we had a scale in our house now because he gets heavier by the day!
Mama’s recovery: I’m feeling great. I suffered from the baby blues when I had Cole (spent a lot of time crying, etc.). I really haven’t had any crazy mood swings (outside of the tears in the doctor’s office and when Chet spit up blood). I am feeling incredibly protective of Chet. Keep the germs away from my baby.
My body feels great too. My bleeding has almost completely stopped. My periods are much heavier. My only real complaint is that my lower back and core feel incredibly weak (as they should after carrying around 40 extra pounds). Yes! I gained 40 pounds with my pregnancy. No! I have no idea how much I weigh now, but my body is bouncing back slowly but surely.
Wake-up Sequence #3
Life with Chet feels perfect. Our house was missing him before he was born. It seems so normal and so natural to have this itty bitty bundle of joy hanging out with us 24 hours a day. I absolutely love this little boy. Now I’m just ready for his big brother to get home so our life can begin a normal routine. Cole will be home on Monday.
I will always be an advocate of natural birth. I will always believe that the natural way is the best way. I will always encourage other mothers to educate themselves on the process of birth, to find a doula, to explore and understand all their options – the pros and cons of every decision you make about the birth process. There are pros and cons to every decision. Every mother has to do what is right for her baby and herself, but don’t be afraid of the pain. You will never feel so alive.
Every child begins the world again – Henry D Thoreau
I don’t even know where to begin when talking about my experience birthing Chet. Yesterday I wanted to portray the journey of the day, the step by step sequence of the things that unfolded. What I didn’t begin to discuss was the impact of feeling my way through labor had on me both physically and mentally. Today I will try to find the words for the experience, but I know I will fall short.
Once labor began in the hospital with my first round of pitocin, contractions soon followed. I felt each one. At the beginning of each contraction, I took a deep breath through my nose and exhaled through my mouth. With each contraction, the process became more real. I felt strong. I felt relaxed. I focused on making sure every part of my body was relaxed down to my toes. (I also discovered this evening that Christian didn’t think I was experiencing uncomfortable pain at this point because I was so quiet. I was feeling every contraction). During each contraction, I could feel my baby moving inside of me. I knew what he liked and what he didn’t like. I was present in that moment. The rest of the world didn’t exist. The pain didn’t matter.
I trusted the support team I had in the hospital. I trusted my doctor, my nurse, my doula, and my husband. Everyone on my team did an amazing job of keeping the outside world from affecting me. I knew I could turn inward and focus on my baby because they would protect me from everything else that was going on around me. I was able to ignore the heart rate monitor. I was able to ignore the doctors early voice of warning because I knew that my baby was okay. Had I been numb from the waist down, I doubt that I would have been able to focus on what was important – bringing a healthy baby into the world in the way that is best for him. I wouldn’t have been able to listen to my body.
With each contraction that past, the intensity increased. I was already switching positions that made Chet happy. I spent time on my side. I spent time on my hands and knees. I spent a lot of time sitting in a meditative pose on the bed. (The nurse didn’t want me to get out of bed because of all the other concerns of the day). My doula guided me to close my eyes with each contraction. Not only did I need to keep focusing on my breath, but I needed to visualize my baby moving down. Christian and Christi applied pressure points. Christian rubbed my feet, my hands, my back, my forehead. Christian and Christi silently took care of me. Christian coached me through each contraction. Christian and Christi absorbed the outside world for me so I could focus on Chet.
Once active labor began, I had already been practicing. I was prepared to accept everything my body was telling me. I was ready to help bring my baby into the world. I have never felt so in control of my body as I did during the labor process. At one point my hands went numb because my breath had become shallow. It was the most uncomfortable feeling I experienced all day. It wasn’t because my numb hands hurt, it was because I couldn’t control them. I can not imagine the anxiety I would have felt if I didn’t feel what was going on in the rest of my body on top of all the other possible complications during labor.
I knew the moment it was time to push. I knew when to push. I knew how hard to push. I didn’t need any coaching from my doctor or my nurse. My body knew, I knew exactly what Chet needed me to do.
Our first moment with Chet
Did it hurt? Of course. I’ve never experienced anything like it before in my entire life. Although it hurt, it was a pain I happily welcomed. It was a pain I wanted to absorb for my baby. It was the best pain I will ever experience. I would do it 100 times over. I actually miss it. I find myself wanting to go back and experience it all over again. I want to go back and relive each contraction – maybe that is why I can’t stop thinking about it or talking about it. I want to breath for my baby again. I want to be apart of the his journey into this world again. It went by too fast. Can I talk Christian into having 10 more babies?
For me, the only way I can ever imagine having another child is by feeling the entire experience.
I have never ever felt more alive, more aware, more present, more accepting of love and giving of love than I did in the moments before Chet’s birth and all the moments that followed. It doesn’t even compare to my birth with Cole. Although I love Cole just as much as I love Chet, the journey was very different. I felt like I observed Cole’s birth. It was an amazing thing to witness. With Chet, I felt like an active participant. I know I carried him into this world.
Cole meeting his brother - melts my heart
Being a woman is an amazing gift. I can’t ever imagine having another baby any other way. Ten more babies isn’t too many, right? Birthing a baby free of pain medication is something I will forever be grateful to have experienced. Although I’m sure I could have done it on my own, I don’t think I could have been as present, as aware, or as appreciative of the entire process if it was for Christian, Christi, and my amazing nurses.
One day I will be able to talk about something else, but for now I’m going to enjoy the high that life has provided me.
It has been 4 days since Chet joined us in this world. There are no words to describe the experience of birthing your child. The love I felt for Christian, Cole and Chet on that day will forever be captured in my heart. I know I have already forgot some of the details, but this is how I remember the day happening. It’s fragment. It’s full of emotion. It’s full of highs and lows. It’s unedited (because if I wait much longer to write it, I won’t remember anything but the highs). It is my memory of 12 whirlwind hours of laboring (and not laboring), an almost c-section, a determined baby, and a very quick active labor.
Grandma arrived at our house at 6:30 am to take care of Cole while we were at the hospital. I woke Cole up before we left. Saying goodbye to him was hard. I knew it was our last moment as just me and Cole. He was a little anxious but very excited to meet his brother. Grandma was going to pick him up from school after lunch, and they would wait for our phone call that his brother arrived.
Final Belly Shot - heading to the hospital
Christian and I arrived at the hospital at 7am. They were cleaning my room when I got there so we sat in the waiting area until around 8:30. When we arrived, we learned that our nurse would be Lenore for the day. Little did I know that she was the best match for me. We sent a text to Christi, our doula, to let her know what was going on. Our plan was to keep her informed through each step. She would come to the hospital as soon as we needed her to arrive.
Around 8:30am, Lenore came out to get us. When we got back to our room, we discussed our birth plan. I changed into my own laboring clothing, and she left to update the doctor. We had a few options. I could possibly be started on pitocin. I could have my water broke. When she checked my cervix I was still at 3 cm and 80% effaced. I was also at -1 station. I was also having contractions that were lasting a little over a minute every 7 minutes. The doctor came back to make sure we were okay with induction. She said we could wait a few more days if we wanted. Christian and I explained our decision, and I got started on pitocin. The plan was to start of with small doses and to go as slow as possible until I got to 5cm. They would then take me off the pitocin so I could labor naturally.
I was still feeling good at this point. Christian and I were playing scrabble on my phone. I sent Christi another text to tell her the good news. She gave me a few things to do while we waited for my body to start feeling labor. I needed to use the bathroom every hour. I needed to be in a gravity enhancing position. I needed to save my strength.
Shortly after the doctor came back into the room to break my water. At this point I was at 4cm, 80% effaced, and -1 station. She chose to break my water to allow me to have a more natural birth. When they broke my water, everything looked great. It was clear. Chet responded beautifully.
About an hour after my water was broke, I got up to use the bathroom. The towel that was underneath me was covered in a greenish liquid that had a distinct smell. I had meconium in my water. Chet had used the bathroom in my womb. At the same time, Chet’s heart rate started to drop with several of my contractions. It would drop, and then it would bounce back to its normal rate. Once again I sent Christi a text. She headed to the hospital. Lenore also became my super hero and advocate in the next few hours. Lenore had me switch to laying on my side to see if Chet would handle contractions better. It worked for a while. It then went back to dropping with a few contractions.
Our OB/GYN came into the room to discuss her concerns. She couldn’t watch Chet’s heart rate drop with consistent contractions for long. If it continued, I would need a c-section.
As soon as she left the room, Lenore got to work. I changed positions. She messed with the monitors. She knew that Chet was a healthy baby because he was bouncing back from the drops in his heart rate beautifully. I know that she did so much more to make sure everything was going the way that Chet needed it to go. I know she made sure that the OB/GYN didn’t rush me into a c-section if it wasn’t needed. What she did? I’m not sure. I just know that she focused on my baby. She made sure he was safe. She will forever be loved by our family for the way she looked after the baby in my belly. She is everything that a labor and delivery nurse should be.
From here, my memory gets blurry. I remember every emotion I felt during this period. I don’t remember what details happened when or at what point things occurred. I just felt my way through the process.
At some point, Chet’s heart rate kept dropping consistently. We knew the c-section discussion was coming. Lenore hooked up an internal fetal heart rate monitor. It wasn’t working properly. I was put on oxygen. I was taken off pitocin because my baby dislikes the drug as much as I do. My body was left to labor naturally. I was at 5 cm at this point.
Once I went off the pitocin, my labor slowed down. My contractions started to spread out. I quit feeling the intensity. While my body was relaxing, Chet’s heart rate still wasn’t staying consistent. Because of the meconium in my water and his heart rate, he needed to come out. (I believe it was around 6pm when I went off the pitocin). I had two options. I could go back on pitocin and hope that my labor progressed quickly or I would need a c-section.
Have I mentioned that I love my husband? ...Applying pressure points
This is when everything became real to me. Prior to this point, I kept my body relaxed. I focused on contractions and labor. I ignored the monitors and the scares. I focused on my baby and bringing him into the world in the way that was best for him.
Our OB/GYN came back into our room. We started talking about a c-section. She went over the details of what would happen. I would be taken back, given an epidural, and prepped for surgery while Christian waited outside for me. He could be in the room with me once everything was ready. I couldn’t stop the tears at this point. I needed my husband. He had been beside me all day. I couldn’t have him waiting in a hallway. I needed him. My baby needed him. Christi looked at me in the middle of this discussion and she said, “Go to your happy spot. Go to Utah”. Those simple words opened up a flood of emotion in me. I quit trying to be strong for the doctor. I cried. I cried for my husband. I cried for my baby. I cried for everything I knew my baby deserved and might not receive. The OB/GYN left us with the option of a c-section right away or giving pitocin one more try. Everyone left Christian and I to discuss our decision.
I wanted my baby safe. The overall goal of any birth plan I had created was to provide Chet with a peaceful birth. I didn’t want him to feel the stress of anything that was going on around him. I didn’t know why he wasn’t responding to labor well. Some babies don’t respond well to labor. Was he feeling stress from his heart rate dropping? Was it worth it to try pitocin again? If we tried pitocin again would I just prolong a c-section? At this point we knew Chet was healthy. We knew he was responding well to everything that was going on around him. If I was going to put my baby through the trauma of a c-section, I wanted it to happen when he was strong. I didn’t want to weaken my baby with pitocin to only then need a c-section. I had made up my mind. We would get a c-section.
Christian and I cried more tears. He was worried I would regret my decision. He didn’t want me to doubt anything in the process. I didn’t. I felt confident in my decision.
Christi came back into the room at this point. We talked about everything with her. We wanted to know her opinion even though we knew it was up to us. She gave us two questions to ask: request to be checked again and ask if my baby was feeling stress from his heart rate dropping. She also said something to me that will forever be written on my heart. She told me that of all the mom’s she has worked with she has never seen someone so prepared and willing to let go – to let go of everything selfish and to let my baby direct labor. She was honest with us and said it made her sad and angry that our labor was moving in this direction because she knew I could handle labor. She had a feeling I would end up with a c-section.
Lenore than reentered the room. We talked to her about our thoughts. She also thought I would need a c-section. She checked me one last time.
I was at 6 almost 7 cm. My body was finally responding to labor. Somehow things started to look up. With the new knowledge that my body was progressing and Chet was responding well to labor, we started pitocin again. Lenore started me off on the smallest amount. We all watched the monitors as contractions intensified. Chet was staying strong.(it was probably around 6:45 at this point)
Seven o’clock approached. Lenore was done for the day. She hand-picked my nurse for me that evening. I feel horrible that I can’t remember her name because she too was the biggest protector of Chet. She came into my room, she announced that we were going to have this baby the right way, and she took over right where Lenore left off.
At 7:15 I sent my parents a text to tell them that I was back on pitocin and Chet was doing good. Not too long after that I wanted to get up to use the bathroom. While I was in the bathroom, I had two very strong contractions. I also felt like I needed to have a bowel movement. I told Christian to ask our nurse if it was okay. She asked me to come back to bed before so she could check me. I was at 8 cm. She was excited that things were moving along. We were going to have our baby vaginally.
As soon as she left the room, another contraction came. I needed to push. I felt myself crawling up the back of the bed. Christi sent Christian out to get the nurse fast. She came back in. She checked me. We were having a baby. The doctor rushed into the room. The NICU team rushed in the room (since I had meconium in my water). Within an hour, I had gone from feeling very few contractions to feeling the need to push. The first two pushing contractions caught me off guard. There was no build up to the intensity. I hit me in the face. My hands went numb. I couldn’t stand not being able to feel my hands. Christi got me to focus my attention on what was going on. The next two contractions I felt in control. It hurt. It burned. I wanted him out. After three strong pushed, the OB/GYN said Chet had to come out with the next push. I pushed. She gave me an episotiomy to prevent me from tearing.
Chet was born. It was 8:11 pm. He came into the world and the only words that left my mouth were “my baby”.
Christian cut the cord. (We weren’t able to keep him attached because of the meconium). He was checked by the NICU team. He got a nearly perfect apgar score 9 and 9. Christian was able to focus on Chet while I delivered the placenta and got stitched by the doctor. Within minutes, Chet was on my chest and ready to breast feed. He attached immediately, and I don’t think he has detached since his birth.
The entire experience was nothing I expected. It was more than I could dream. It was everything I had hoped it would be for Chet. He had a plan. He knew how he wanted to enter the world. Everything happened exactly how it was supposed to happen. Had I gone into labor naturally at home, I would have labored at home. I would have arrived at the hospital. They would have seen Chet’s heart rate without know its history and I would have been rushed into an emergency c-section. I’m thankful with every inch of my body that I chose to be induced.
Thank you doesn’t do justice to the appreciation I have for both of my nurses. Christi will forever by loved by our entire family.I’m grateful that our OB/GYN respected our wishes for natural birth. She could have rushed me into a c-section, but instead she saw my birth as a whole picture and not just a monitor.
And Christian………I will save this for another post but Chet’s birth story should end with him knowing how truly incredibly his dad is. He is my perfect husband. He was everything I needed him to be and everything I didn’t know I needed him to be. I have never loved my husband as much as I loved him on that day and will continue to love him for the rest of our lives. Chet has one amazing daddy!
Welcome to the world Chet Christian Maute. You are already loved by so many.
Christian and I welcomed Chet into the world last night at 8:11pm. He weighs 6 lbs 15oz and is 20 inches long. He is simply amazing. A full birth story will follow in the next few days, but I will say this……life and birth and welcoming your baby into the world is the most amazing thing any individual can experience. My husband is amazing. I truly love my doula Christi like she were my sister, and my nurses were unbelievable. It was a whirlwind of a day. The day ended with a natural, pain med free birth and an amazingly healthy baby boy! (9 and 9 apgar score)
Kristy Maute 