Starting today, the days start to grow longer. Mornings will be brighter. The sun will stay out a little later each night. Yesterday was the winter solstice. It is a time of rebirth for our planet. The planet will slowly come back to life.
At winter solstice, Sun is at its lowest point:
the longest night, the most profound descent into the dark,
and a subsequent turning of the cycle,
a return to the Light.
Thus, after the pause, a movement toward REBIRTH,
return and renewal of the life force are signaled.
Light begins to grow once again.
This is why all cultures on this planet, since long ago,
have celebrated this moment in one way or another.
To safeguard & tend to the sacred fire of Life,
to keep hope alive,
to acknowledge the ever-renewing power of Nature
& and all living things,
to assure the Return of our day star, the Sun.
Yesterday I decided to give myself the gift of starting my holiday weekend early. It’s no secret that I have been mentally struggling through the past few weeks of my pregnancy. Every where I go, people ask when I’m due. They ask how I’m feeling. They want to know if I’ve had my baby yet. While I know it all comes from a good place, it can be mentally exhausting when I’m already struggling to stay sane up until my due date. Instead of going to work and visiting with people in various buildings around town, I stayed home. I turned off the television. I turned on my favorite music. I cleaned up the clutter around the house. I did nothing. It was exactly what I needed. I felt a shift in my current emotional status. I feel much more relaxed heading towards my due date and the Christmas holiday.
After my relaxing day at home, Christian and I headed to my weekly doctor’s appointment. My body is slowly making progress. I’m nearly 3cm dilated this week. I’m 60% effaced. The baby is lower. My cervix is softer. As we sat in the doctor’s office and he discussed what our next appointment could/would entail if I’m still pregnant, I was reminded of a few things I’ve lost touch with over the past few weeks.
Chet’s due date is next Tuesday. My next appointment is next Thursday. According to my medical record, Chet will be late at this point. Because of this, my next appointment will include an ultrasound, nonstress test, and a phone call to the birthing center to schedule a possible induction. As soon as the doctor mentioned induction, I got anxious. Induction isn’t a happy word in our house. By inducing labor, the birthing process becomes a medical journey instead of Chet’s journey into this world. I nicely reminded the doctor that we are on Chet’s timeline. Unless medically necessary, we won’t be inducing labor.
The past 9 months have been about Chet. I’ve chosen to eat or not eat foods to give him proper nutrition. I’ve drank water and more water to keep him hydrated. I’ve exercised to provide him a healthy home. I’ve practiced yoga to keep my body and mind engaged and balanced so he doesn’t feel the effects of stresses in my life. The past few weeks I’ve been thinking about myself a lot more. How am I feeling? I am ready to be done withe pregnancy. I’ve lost touch with the fact that this is not about me. It is about Chet. As soon as I was able to vocalize to our doctor that I’m here to make sure Chet gets the birth he deserves (and I believe he would choose for himself), balance came flooding back into my life. Just because I’m mentally and physically tired doesn’t mean that Chet is ready to join us in this world yet. I can stay strong for him for a few more days. That’s what mothers do for their children.
From the doctor’s office, I headed to yoga. Following shavasana, the class returned to a seated position. With our hands at hearts center we Om-ed. Katie dedicated our final Om to Chet and his journey into this world. I felt the love from everyone in the room. I felt embraced and loved. I felt supported. I felt renewed. I know Chet felt all the love that was being sent to him in the room.
At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. – Albert Schweitzer
As our days get longer and our planet transitions to a rebirth of life, our household is also in transition. We are transitioning towards the celebration of the birth of our child. Chet will arrive when he is ready. He will be welcomed into a world that is peaceful and full of love for him. I’m on his timeline because that is what he deserves. He is about to make the biggest transition of his life: from my body to the world. I plan on making that transition as stress free and peaceful as possible for my baby.
Labor will be hard on me, but I want it to be easy on my baby. I’m prepared for the pain. As my yoga instructor said last night, it is pain with a purpose. Everything I feel during labor is for Chet. My body will let me know when to push. It will let me know when not to push. It will let me know if Chet needs more space, more comfort, or a deep breath. I’ve bottled up each of the Oms I received from my yoga class last night (Thank you to each of you ladies!). I’m taking them with me into the delivery room. When it gets hard and I think I can’t do it anymore, I will remember exactly why I am choosing a non-medicated birth. It isn’t about me. It is about my baby. We are both incredibly loved and supported, and there is a beautiful community waiting for his arrival in the world.
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. – Albert Camus
Until Chet decides he is ready for the world, I am at peace with whatever day he chooses. I’m no longer anxious, stressed, or over-emotional about how things are progressing. I’m ready to support my baby as soon as he needs me. Thanks to the pause in my life yesterday, I have my own renewed faith in nature and the journey of birth. One day closer to meeting this bundle of love that is growing in my belly.