In one month and one day, my baby boy will be one. Do the math. We have celebrated 10 months and 30 days of our wonderful itty-bitty creation. It hit me this morning as I nursed Chet. He is about to be one. I know this is life and a normal progression. It just happened so fast, and life has changed so much over the past year. Dynamics have changed. Relationships have evolved. This little guy who is one day shy of his 11 month birthday, has completely redefined our family.
99% of that redefinition is great. He has added layers and layers of love to our house. But the first year is hard. Going from one child to two is hard. Change is hard. Adding newborn mom to my resume has been hard. (and oh so rewarding all at the same time).
While I’m reminiscing about newborn days where 23 hours out of every day was spent with a baby curled up on my chest, and while I’m laughing at the character he is growing into, I’m realizing the one thing I miss most out of the past year is my title of wife. Not in the obvious ways. Not even in the less obvious ways. I am Christian’s wife. We parent together. We support each other. We love each other. We eat dinner together every night. We go to bed together. We wake up together. We tackle household chores together. Outside of work, we are almost always together.
But I miss us. I miss our play time. I miss too many glasses of wine nights. I miss the nights we played stripe-Wii (yes! Try it! It’s fun! But make sure the kids aren’t home!) I miss the carefree part of our relationship that has been neglected for the past year (maybe two if you add pregnancy). I miss the carefree part of me. For a moment, I want to abandon to-do lists and bills and diapers and homework and work and every single responsibility I carry around with me each day. I want to be my husband’s girlfriend for a moment.
Today I sat at work with tears rolling down my cheeks because our plans for a babysitter on Saturday night fell through. Once I was done being sad, I realized something.
Wanting all of this….it is a HUGE progression for me (and totally normal for a new mom!). The fact that I have a desire to be something besides a mom right now is huge. For the past 11 months, I have wanted to do nothing besides mother my boys. I’m ready to reclaim a little piece of my life. I’m ready to be more than Chet’s mom (and Cole’s mom too). I am sad I won’t be going out with my husband Saturday, but I’m so happy to have the spark reignited. Another date night will be planned for the near future.
Now I have to run…the husband is out of the shower, and I have a glass of wine waiting for me! Cheers!