Where to begin? So much has occurred in my absence on my blog, I don’t know where to start.
Marathon – I decided to drop back to the half marathon because my body wasn’t responding well to the miles. Nothing felt right. My head and heart weren’t committed to the training. I came home and went online to drop back. I had missed the deadline.
Marriage – My husband was out-of-town when I made my decision to drop back to the half marathon. We fought before he went out-of-town. We have been in a funk: Nothing big just all the little things in life snowballed into a lot of stress. When he got home, we knew we needed to talk. He is the king of patience. Somehow after the conversation went from good to ugly in a moment, he was able to break it down into very simple terms. We both want and need to feel more love. We are both existing in a life bubble that just keeps moving. We were living side by side instead of hand in hand. This we can fix. Hand and hand is what we are good at.
Marathon – When we talked about my race, he was disappointed. He thought I was giving up on myself.
Me – Reconnecting with my husband cracked my heart wide open in the best possible way. It exposed patterns in my behavior. It brought me back to life.
All of this brought me to Monday. I was back. I was ready to recommit to my marathon training. I was ready to take the good with the bad and piece together the best possible race for me in the time I have left before race day.
All of this brought me to my latest adventure too. On Monday, I began a new e-course with Brene Brown. It’s based on her book The Gifts of Imperfection. It’s full of online videos, daily assignments, intention setting, and journaling.
I cringed when I saw the journal assignments. It wasn’t just written word. It was arts and crafts. It was drawing and creating. It was expression in its rawest form. The first page of the journal was a permission slip to ourselves. When facing fear, I give myself permission to….
I give myself permission to live with a light heart.
When life gets hard, when things get tough, when I become afraid, I become heavy. I sink. I guard my heart. I protect myself. These are all my patterns. Allowing myself to continue forward even when I’m facing fear with a light heart is exactly what I need. It’s not a nature response for me, but it is what I’m choosing. I will still continue down the same road but I won’t carry burden with me.
All of these led me to today. I took a vacation day from work. I met my coach. I ran with a light heart: same road but no burden to carry. 16 miles later I arrived back at my car with exhausted legs, screaming muscles, and the lightest, happiest heart. I felt alive. The first 11 miles flew by. I was in cruise control. Things got tough when I hit the trail again, but I kept going. I didn’t crumble. That arts and crafts project I questioned in my class, it is brilliant. Its more than just words. I actually created the world I want to see. The visual I created was on the front of my brain the entire run. I could see my words. I could feel them. When things got really tough, I was able to lift myself back up. I finished strong. I finished proud. I finished with a light heart.
Marathon – I’m back! Training hasn’t been and won’t be ideal, but my heart is committed. My heart is alive and ready to run!
Marriage – My husband is back out-of-town. He is in Belgium on a beer trip for work. His absences from my day makes my heart ache, but that is okay. He’s having the time of his life, and I can’t wait to wrap my arms around him. Hand and hand, we are back and we are committed to being aware of our love for each other.
Me – I’m amazed by life. I’m amazed at how much I’m rooted in my love for my husband. I’m amazed by the fact that I can create my own path. I can choose my life. I can make these dreams come true.
I’m in love with life right now. I got a message from a friend today. It was a wonderful reminder that when life gets crazy (and it will always get crazy), when it becomes a whirlwind, you just have to hang on. You have to breathe. When the dust settles, life is pretty bright on the other side.
Nutrition – english muffin with nutella 2 hours before run. GU with caffeine 15 minutes before start. Gu at mile 5 and mile 11.
Route – 1.6 miles to trail, 3.5 miles along trail, to boardwalk until mile 7.5, back through princess anne hills (hilly 1 mile loop), hit trail at mile 11, last 1.6 back on road. 16.05 miles, 7 miles of trails, 1 mile of hills.
Run got hard when I hit the trail at mile 11. Walked briefly at mile 13.5.
2:30:51, 9:24 pace
9:26, 9:18, 9:04, 9:08, 9:08, 8:59, 9:14, 9:06, 9:10, 9:08, 9:21, 9:51, 10:01, 10:53 (walk included in time), 9:58, 8:57