This morning in a new environment that is slowly starting to feel as comfortable as my running shoes, I was completing a serious of back and front squats. Prior to today, I have completed zero back and front squats. Not one. Ever. Prior to last month, I haven’t stepped foot into a gym of any form since high school. To say I took a step outside of my comfort zone is an understatement.
Two years ago I said I need to find strength outside of running. Two years ago I recognized the weakness that exists in my body. I said it over and over again. I’m not strong. I have zero strength. I don’t have any muscle tone. Some how these statements became comfortable. Instead of doing something about it, I wore my weakness as a badge of honor. The statement I’m not strong became comfortable.
I took two years and one leap of faith to walk into a new gym to change the story I’ve been telling myself. I’m rewriting my script. I am strong is the badge of honor I want to wear.
As I lowered into a back squat today, I was tentative. I was nervous. I didn’t trust my ability. If I squated as low as I was told to go, could I get back up? Did I have the strength? I looked around the room and the ladies who were with me were squating twice as much weight. Their bodies look strong. I was tentative.
When I walked into this new gym four weeks ago I made a promise to myself. I promised myself I wouldn’t compare my ability to anyone else. I would celebrate my journey. I would focus on my progress. I would embrace my strength. When I started to question if I had the strength to go low enough in my squat, I reminded myself of that promise. I trusted myself. I believed in my ability. I squated.
I can feel my body changing. As my muscles get stronger, my mind is transforming right along side of it. I’m starting to see my ability. I am excited about my potential. I am starting to believe that I am strong.
“I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time. Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” ~Brene Brown
This has nothing to do with lifting weights or running fast. This is about believing in myself. This is about believing I am capable. This is about recognizing my strength both physically and mentally. This is about owning my story.