Kristy Maute

Cherry Blossom Ten-Miler Race Report

Let’s start with the good stuff: I am still smiling about this race. On paper, it was far from perfect. I modestly fell apart somewhere around mile 7 (Yes! This is good!). It was the best race I’ve run so far. I wouldn’t change a thing about the run.

Then there is the not so good stuff. After being hit in the face with exhaustion the past few weeks, I had zero expectations for this race. I wanted to enjoy myself. I wanted to run 10 miles without care. I didn’t run once the week leading up to race weekend. When packing for the race, I realized my running shoes were left on the porch all week. They were soaking wet. I had to pack my “other” running shoes – the shoes I run short distances in. The day before the race I walked miles with my family around DC. I forgot to drink water. I didn’t sleep the night before the race. Little Chet wasn’t used to hotel sleeping. He was up partying from 3:11 until 4:47. My alarm clock went off at 5:15.

As I walked to race, I realized I hadn’t prepared at all for the race. I had on the wrong shoes. My feet are still a mess from marathon training. I didn’t have any course knowledge. I didn’t know where the water was along the course. I didn’t know mile marker visuals. I was assigned to the red corral, but I had no idea what that meant in relation to time. I met another runner on the walk over. We chatted about how freezing it was and both laughed at how we didn’t pack for cold weather. The weather forecast was for 70 degrees. I packed shorts and a tank top. It was 42 degrees at the start. The girl I was talking to was also in the red corral. She told me she averages around 7:30 minute miles. Uh oh.

In the back of my head, I remembered a message from my friend Rachael. Even though this is a fun run for you, dig deep!

I was going to go for it. I was starting between the 8:30 and 9:00 pacer. I was just going to run whatever my legs wanted to run, and I was going to see where they took me.

Mile 1: 8:53

Well, I guess my legs want to go fast. I didn’t over think my time. I didn’t let myself think that I have run very few 3 mile runs in the 8s. I just settled in to the group I was running with, and I ran.

Mile 2: 8:45

Hmmm. Maybe my legs really do want to go fast. Keep running. Around mile 2, I started to feel the exhaustion that has been haunting me for weeks. I told my body to shut up. I think I said F***ing be QUIET! You are not TIRED!!! I had a little chat with myself that wasn’t very nice. I reminded myself that I’m sick of feeling tired, and that my mind could choose a different feeling.

Mile 3: 8:42

My pep talk worked. I felt engaged with my run. Running fast with the pack of runners I was with was so much fun! Even though my heart was racing and I was breathing heavy, I was having a blast. I haven’t had this much fun in a race in a long time.

Mile 4: 8:27

Holy crap! I knew I wouldn’t be able to maintain this run for all 10 miles, but I decided to hold on for as long as I could. If I had to walk the last 3 miles, oh well. I wanted to run aggressive. I wanted to feel like I was trying. After my comfortable marathon, I wanted to crash and burn if it meant I fought for my run. I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone.

Mile 5: 9:28 (water stop walk)

I was so thirsty at this point. I was even carrying my own water. My lack of race prep and faster pace was catching up to me. I was craving the finish line, but I was only half way there. I was still smiling.

Mile 6: 8:43

I wanted to throw up at this point. I was done. I was wishing my run was a 10k instead of a 10 miler. I also realized that if I held on just a little longer, I would set a new 10k PR (a PR I didn’t think I would touch any time soon). If I had to walk the 3.8 more, I was okay with that. I can’t even begin to tell you how good it felt to run aggressively. It felt amazing to push. It felt amazing to make it one more mile when I thought I’d blow up at mile 3.

10k – 55:04 (a PR by 1:16. woot! woot!)

Once I passed the 10k mark, my race started to crumble. I was more than happy to crumble after the effort I just gave in my race. I knew I didn’t have an overall pace in the 8s in me (yet) for the entire 10 miles. I wasn’t even expecting to run 1 mile in the 8s. To run the first 6.2 miles at an overall pace of 8:52 is a huge accomplishment for me.

Mile 7: 9:44

I was fading fast. My goal now shifted to running the race without walking (besides the water stops).

Mile 8: 10:36 – water stop walk (that I maybe stretched a bit!!)

Still fading. Still smiling.

Mile 9: 9:39

My garmin froze. It started beeping none stop as it tried to save the lap. I had to turn it off or I was going to annoy every runner around me.

Mile 10: 10:08

My garmin was ahead of the course by about .15 miles. If I had to guess, I’d say I was running a 9:15 for this last mile plus some!

The final stretch to the finish line was up hill. I had no idea it was coming. As soon as we made it to the top of the hill, we turned a corner. The finish line was right in front of me. Sneaky finish line – I could have squeezed out a few more seconds of speed if I knew it was right there! As I crossed the finish line, I was so happy. I was so happy with my performance. I was so happy that I woke my body up, that I got uncomfortable, and that I ran!

Final time: 1:33:06 – 9:19 pace

I am so happy with this run. I am so happy I ran aggressively. I am so happy I gave it my all and fell apart. This is going to be my running strategy for a while now. I’ve always prided myself on running negative splits for all my runs. I’m good at starting slow and finishing fast. I think I’ve been selling myself short. I allow myself to stay comfortable for too long. I’m going out hard from now on. If I fall apart, I fall apart. But I might just surprise myself like I did in this race. And eventually I’ll be able to hold that hard pace for the entire race.

It’s now Wednesday, and I’m still smiling! The cherry blossoms didn’t bloom on race day, but I did! This is one of the millions of reasons I love running. I had a “not-perfect” perfect race. I surprised myself. I also still see so much room for improvement. Still smiling…

(Race Review: Amazing race. Beautiful course (even without blooming cherry blossoms). Wonderfully organized. Amazing crowd support – the best I’ve ever seen!. Fabulous entertainment along the way. Enough water stops. I can’t say enough good things about this run. I just wish I could guarantee I could run it next year without having to enter the lottery!)

Choosing Life

Things happen in our life that will forever change who we are as people. They happen. We spin. We refocus. Some of those things that happen are deliriously good. Sometimes they are not. Sometimes those things that happen are ugly, unwanted, and not according to plan. Both the good and the bad give us an oppurtunity to be better. They allow us to pause exactly where we are in life. They give us a choice. We can allow these life moments to define us or we can be better. We can choose to be so much more than a moment.

Today I am reminded of these choices.

At work I am a part of a deposition for a law suit against the city, my employer. I will be meeting with a city attorney to discuss what I should expect and what information I will be providing. In my life this is neither good nor bad. It is just a part of my job, but the walk to the city attorney’s office has flooded me with memories. I woke up this morning anxious. I was irritable. I was mad at every scenario I couldn’t control in my day. I was annoyed that I had to take the boys to the doctor alone. I was irritated that yesterday I had to take the dog to the vet alone. I was mad that I couldn’t control my husband’s work schedule for the week. I didn’t want to be responsible for dinner by myself. I didn’t want to juggle life today. Where was this coming from? This is not a normal emotion for me. I don’t carry these feelings around with me on a daily basis. As I got closer to work and thought through my daily routine, I found myself ready to shed tears.

There was a tiny moment when I realized why my world felt out of balance for the day. The last time (and only time), I’ve had an appointment with a city attorney on my calendar was when I was 18. When I was 18, I was in the middle of one of those life moments where I had to choose to be better than what had happened to me. As I meet with the city attorney alone to discuss details of an event that I had no control over, I had to choose. I could spin forever or I could refocus. I chose to learn. I chose to grow. I picked a path that would allow that moment to help me bloom.

Today I am thankful for the reminder. I’m thankful for the few tears I shed for the young girl I was half a lifetime ago. We never know what will shape us in life. That is what makes living fun. Every single day we get to start our day with one objective in mind. What will we choose for today, for this life, that will help us bloom. Really big life moments will always happen to us. Some of them will be really good. Some of them will not. Both of them will give us a choice to spin forever or to bloom.

Live your life every day. Be present every single day. I’m glad I didn’t let my feelings today spin out of control before I identified the source. Identifying where it is coming from has already given me peace. Writing this post has allowed me to choose a better outlook for today. Spring is arriving. There is no better time to choose a life that allows you to bloom.

Looking forward to our weekend filled with Cherry Blossoms!

Zzzzzzzz

When life finally grows quiet, it is easy to hear all the things my body has been yelling at me for the past few months. My brain isn’t obsessing about running or increasing mileage each weekend. Slowly we are getting our house back in order. Life is settling, and I’m really enjoying the slow pace. There is just one exception. I’m tired. I’m really tired. I’m so tired, I’m having a hard time functioning.

I had several reasons to justify how tired I’ve become.

Chet is now a good sleeper. After 13 months of not sleeping, I figured my body was finally learning how to sleep again. It couldn’t get enough to make up for the 2-3 hour stretches of sleep I got each night for over a year.
Chet has weaned himself to only nursing at night time. My hormones are adjusting.
I was tapering for the marathon. My body was healing after beating it up for five months.
I switched to four ten-hour work days at work so I could have Fridays off with Chet. Starting work before the sun comes up has taken an adjustment period.
I had the flu and have been fighting a cold/cough/sinus crap for weeks.

I drank more water, I focused on my diet, and I expected it to get better. It didn’t. By mile 16 in my marathon, I felt so sleepy. I wanted a nap. The marathon came and went. I was still tired.

My body was adjusting to the marathon.
I had my period.
My sugar intake is ridiculously out of control with birthday cake/Easter candy haunting me in our house.

This Sunday I went out for a run. I had planned on running 8 miles with my dog on the trails. On the way there, I really felt like I needed a nap. By mile 1, I was exhausted. It was all I could think about the whole run. I ditched all plans for the run that day. Alex and I casually ran the route I had planned. I cut it short just shy of 7 miles. We walked and played along the beach. I let him do more exploring and less running.

I’ve run out of excuses for my exhaustion. I wasn’t even this tired when I was pregnant or not sleeping when Chet was a baby. Something is just off. I should probably go to the doctor, but I feel pretty confident my iron levels are off. I’ve always been borderline anemic. It seems to be a trend among distance runners too.

Today I’m going to start taking an iron supplement. I’ve also been neglecting my yoga mat. Tonight, no matter how tired I am, I will find time for a gentle restorative yoga practice. If I don’t notice an improvement by next week, I promise to go to the doctor for blood work. Until then you can finding my yawning at my desk, sleeping at the dinner table, and doing a version of run-napping.

I need to wake-up soon! We have a fun family trip planned for DC this weekend, and I’m (casually) running the Cherry Blossom 10-miler!

For you funny folks out there (yes Amy! you!), I am not pregnant! We are not trying to get pregnant.

Peace Blooms

When Great Trees Fall

~ Maya Angelou

When great trees fall,
rocks on distant hills shudder,
lions hunker down
in tall grasses,
and even elephants
lumber after safety.

When great trees fall
in forests,
small things recoil into silence,
their senses
eroded beyond fear.

When great souls die,
the air around us becomes
light, rare, sterile.
We breathe, briefly.
Our eyes, briefly,
see with
a hurtful clarity.
Our memory, suddenly sharpened,
examines,
gnaws on kind words
unsaid,
promised walks
never taken.

Great souls die and
our reality, bound to
them, takes leave of us.
Our souls,
dependent upon their
nurture,
now shrink, wizened.
Our minds, formed
and informed by their
radiance,
fall away.
We are not so much maddened
as reduced to the unutterable ignorance
of dark, cold
caves.

And when great souls die,
after a period peace blooms,
slowly and always
irregularly. Spaces fill
with a kind of
soothing electric vibration.
Our senses, restored, never
to be the same, whisper to us.
They existed. They existed.
We can be. Be and be
better. For they existed.

Our hearts were broken this winter. We are patiently waiting for spring. We are existing in the moment when life is about to bloom.

We celebrated our family Easter this morning. It was filled with laughter, but I missed my father-in-law. I kept waiting for my him to sit down to brunch. I craved his basket of Peeps and his story about how they are best in the refrigerator. This afternoon I showed Christian a picture of snow in Saint Louis. He asked if it was my aunt’s photo. The sentence was never finished as he realized my aunt, who live in St. Louis, is no longer here. It wasn’t her photo.

In between those two moments, I ran a handful of miles on the trails today. It rained. It hailed. The air was crisp. Spring is right around the corner, and it will be followed by the heat of summer but right now it is winter. I enjoyed the cool air on my skin.

We are still healing, but with spring a new sense of peace will find our family. Life is being restored. It will never be the same, but we can live better knowing we carry the love of those we lost with us.

The world is waiting to bloom.

Goodbye Survival Mode

Running a marathon and settling back into life after a marathon has allowed me to really focus on where I want to go with my life. Yes. It is just running, but if you run, you probably already understand that is so much more than covering miles with running shoes on your feet.

A high school friend, James, commented on my marathon recap the other day.

congrats! having friends and family out on the course is priceless. finishing a race (or anything for that matter) and not being content with your performance/results isn’t always a bad thing. That’s when you learn the most…. about everything.

Reading his comment brought my perspective back to where it needed to be. Was I disappointed in the quality of my run? Yes. Was I disappointed in my marathon? No. There is a huge difference for me. The fact that I finally ran a marathon is starting to sink in as each day passes. I’m jumping for joy over my accomplishment. I’m also truly grateful for the lessons I’m learning from my less than stellar performance. My run, that race, those 26.2 miles showed me what direction I want to take with so many aspects of my life. I do not want to live my life (or another race) on cruise control.

Cheering on Cole at his mile race this weekend

In one week, I will be celebrating my 33rd birthday. Surprise! Until about a week ago, I thought I was turning 34! I get a whole year back.

My marathon came at the perfect time. It gave me a foundation and a direction for my 33rd year. I’ve strayed away from setting goals since giving birth to Chet. I was in survival mode the first year of his life. I was trying to survive on very few hours of sleep for over a year. I was training for a marathon. I was struggling with my dual role of working mama. I was trying to survive the loss of my aunt and father-in-law. I ran my marathon in survival mode too. It was a true reflection of where I was at during this phase of my life.

I survived this past year. I survived my marathon. On to the next chapter. To prevent getting stuck here in cruise control (because honestly just surviving can be very comforting at times), I’ve revamped my goals for myself. I’m refocusing on progress and growth. I’m taking the spring to fine tune my running and fine tune my living. Every aspect of my life needs some TLC right now before I dive into training for my next marathon. The new goals I’ve set for myself will shed the extra layers I’ve been carrying around with me.

Read my new goals here.

My survival marathon was a gift. I don’t want to waste it. Cheers to a wonderful running experience. Cheers to turning 33 instead of 34. Cheers to the road ahead of me.

Now spring weather needs to show up. It’s snowing outside as I write this post.