Three Restorative Miles

Poor Chet. He is going through so many baby changes right now. After he went down to bed last night at 6:45pm, he woke up again at 8pm…and 10:30, 11:00, 11:30, 1:30, 4:00, 5:30, and finally stayed awake at 7:30. Whew. I wish on nights like last night he could find comfort sleeping in our bed, but he doesn’t. Instead I drag my exhausted body to his room, to our nursing chair, nurse for 15+ minutes each time, and then drag myself back to bed. Repeat. Six Times. When he woke up cheery eyed and smiling this morning…he was covered in poop. As I stripped off his clothing, he smiled some more, and I was treated to the first viewing of what is about to be his third tooth.

I stayed home from work again.

Although exhausted, I was craving a run. I skipped a run with friends last night because mommy instincts told me Chet was about to have a rough night. I didn’t want to be far away if he needed to nurse to comfort himself back to sleep.

Tired. Heavy. Exhausted. But Eager. I headed out to “just run” with my faithful running partner, Alex. I didn’t care about pace or distance. I just needed a moment to reconnect.

The first half mile was a struggle. My legs were heavy.  My entire body felt weighted. Alex was a little too eager to run. My brain was a little too busy.

Absent of music (my new favorite way to run) my mind can wander from what to cook for dinner (chicken with sautéed tomatoes, basil, okra, green peppers and black beans over brown rice if you are wondering. All from our CSA box except the chicken, black beans and rice) to hoping I can find time to practice yoga to finally finding comfort in nothing at all. Once I found my breath and the quiet place inside my head, the rest of the run fell perfectly into place.

Thursday’s yoga practice is restorative. It’s slow. It flows. One breath per movement. I consciously choose to carry this with me today on my run (in case I didn’t find time for my yoga mat).

At mile 1.5 Alex and I found ourselves next to the Lynnhaven River. The wildlife also seemed to be taking in what was left of yesterday’s beautiful weather before the 110 degree weather hits today. A blue egret (or is it a heron. Husband – chime in!) was playing in the water. Each of his movements was deliberate, graceful. Every time he lifted his foot and leg out of the water, he placed them back down with a purpose. I can run like that.  I can live my life like that. Deliberate actions. Graceful mannerisms. Living life with a purpose.  My run got a little bit lighter.

Along with the beautiful views, the river also treated us to a refreshing wind. Every few minutes a surprise cool gust of wind came rushing off the water. It felt like kissing my husband on our wedding day – I went back for a second kiss!.  I would have gone back for more wind if I could controlled the weather. The wind blew the blossoms off the crape myrtle trees. The world was hosting a ticker-tape parade for my run. The rest of the day seemed a little bit easier.

Hot summer sun. A breeze off the water. A beautiful reminder of how I want to live each and every single one of my days. All it took was three miles to reconnect with myself and the world around me. I arrived back home oblivious of the fact that I didn’t sleep last night (or the two nights prior). I was greeted at the door with a happy baby (who was now wearing a shirt that said “One day I’ll run like Mommy” because he pooped again), a supportive husband, and a bouncing eight year old who was eager to confirm that we would be making our Olympic cookies tonight.

My face quickly turned into a smile.

And I did find time for my yoga practice during Chet’s very long morning nap.

A Little Taste of Staying Home

The past 3 days, I’ve been home from work – Monday, car work. Tuesday, constipated baby running a fever and throwing up. Wednesday, recovering from a night of no sleep but a lot of dirty diapers and a fever breaking.

A working car and a healthy baby allowed me to sink my teeth into pretending to be a stay at home mom today. Up first, a quick trip to New Earth Farm to pick up our weekly CSA box. (I know I’ve said it before, but that smell never gets old. Even Cole mentioned how good the farm smells today. Earth smells amazing! Go find an organic farmer in your community, stand in the middle of the field, and inhale. I think you’ll love it too!)

After the farm our day got a little fishy (pun intended). We headed to the aquarium. We played along side the harbor seals. We saw fish and more fish and more fish. We saw sharks and sea turtles. Cole got to burn of some store up energy from being held captive in our house on Monday and Tuesday, and Chet stared wide-eyed at everything around him.

As soon as we got home, all the lack of sleep from the past two days caught up to me. I was exhausted. I put Finding Nemo on to entertain us while we ate lunch.

After the first few minutes, Chet was oblivious to the television until…..Squirt, the baby sea turtle, came on the television. He stopped nursing. He arched his head to see the TV, and he let out the sweetest belly laugh. (okay. maybe I don’t mind that he watched tv for a few minutes!).

I sure could get used to staying at home.

While I’ve been home the past 3 days, we have also been prepping for the Olympics! Post coming soon, but I couldn’t help but be inspired when I saw this post on One Perfect Day

Honored

Omg. Hands free mama quoted your blog on her status updated on Facebook.

I saw this text on my phone after I put Chet down for his afternoon nap and as I walked out the door to do some yard work in the backyard.

What? Me? My Blog?

I rushed to my computer. I pulled up Facebook. And there I was. My words were posted on the Facebook page for a blog I love and adore – a blog that has inspired me to be a better mom – a blog that has encouraged me to really engage with life. My words were quoted by the gifted writer of Hands Free Mama.

To say I’m honored is an understatement.

View from my 10 mile run this weekend

Like most bloggers, I have many reasons for writing. It’s therapeutic. It’s a creative outlet. It lets me blow the dust off my English degree. It keeps me focused and accountable. The more I share, the more I hope someone, anyone, even just one reader, will find comfort in my words. I always try to be honest in my blog. I try to share the ugly along with the pretty. I always try to be real. A lot of my posts leave me feeling vulnerable and questioning if I should share. Does anyone really want to read what I have to say?

Just when I start to feel like I’m the only person who finds truth in my words, I get an email thanking me for my words. I’ve had several friends thank me for my honesty as I struggled through the first few weeks of Chet’s life. I’ve had other friends send me a message to let me know they are running too. I’ve created friendships and support systems with other bloggers that have really helped enhance my life.

To have my words – and not just any words. Words that define everything I strive for in life – recognized by a woman I believe is a gift to everyone who reads her writing……….well I’m honored. It feels amazing to have my words validated by someone so special to me (who is a complete stranger).

For those of you that have found my blog thanks to Hands Free Mama (and there are a lot of you!), thank you for taking time in your day to read my blog. To those of you who have sent me messages to thank me for my words, thank you. You all inspire me. To those of you who have always read my blog, thank you too! This blog has become a safe place for me to peel back layers of my life. It has become a place for me to become vulnerable so I can continue to grow as a person, wife, and mother.

I think I’m still in shock that my blog was read (and quoted) by a blog with such an important life message.

Loving our Life – enjoying the Farm while picking up our CSA goodies

Going Cloth

We did it! We finally switched to cloth diapers. I can not even begin to tell you how happy it makes me that my baby is rolling around in a cloth diaper.  I know it is only a diaper, but I felt guilty every single time I changed him while he was wearing throw-away diapers. Disposable diapers just don’t line up with the things we value in our house.

Why do I care?

The average baby uses 5000 diapers in his or her lifespan. That is a lot of diapers.

(source)

Considering that over four million babies were born in the United States last year (source), that is a WHOLE LOT of diapers.

4,000,000 babies x 5000 diapers = 20,000,000,000

Twenty Billion Diapers. And that is for only babies born in 2011 in only the United States. Repeat that every single year and for the rest of the world…….well, that is just exhausting! And it is way too many diapers considering they take 500 years to decompose.

My great great great grandkids will still be sharing the earth with Chet’s diapers.

Now do you understand my guilt for using disposable diapers for six months? It isn’t just a diaper. It’s a lot of diapers filling up our planet for hundreds and hundreds of years.

First day in a cloth diaper (Hello Maute Moo!)

We had every intention of switching to cloth the moment Chet’s umbilical cord fell off. We purchased prefolds and diaper covers. We had a diaper sprayer. We had all the appropriate soaps, diaper rash creams, and wetbags. And then for nearly ten weeks, Chet never left my chest for at least 20 hours out of every single day. He slept on me. He nursed. He learned about the world from my arms. I could not even begin to figure out when I would wash all those diapers (Christian offered, but he was already the errand boy in our house hold, the chef, the maid, and Cole’s care provider on top of working a fulltime job. I didn’t want to add another title to his list.)

The more time past, the more intimidated I became by the entire process. What type of diapers would work best for Chet? How do you wash them again? Prefolds? Pockets? All in Ones? It all started to blend together. Every time I sat down to order diapers, I became confused.

Finally I had enough of my excuses. I was done with disposable diapers. We were not buying another pack.  I pulled out the box of cloth diapers my high school friend mailed me, and I decided to stick with what we already had (Thank you Candyce).

We are now using Best Bottom Diapers and G Diapers. I don’t know what fancy acronym is attached to these type of diapers, but I do know I love them. Both diapers use inserts and covers. The covers can be used through several diaper changes by just switching out the insert. Best Bottoms snap into place. G Diapers slide into the plastic liner. I don’t prefer one over the other. They both have the perks (and I have yet to find a negative). The Best Bottoms use snaps that make them really easy to adjust to my skinny baby’s body. The liners are very easy to use too. The G Diapers are less bulky and the covers are so soft.

I have since bought an all-in-one GroVia diaper (it was a bicycle print. how could I not?). While the cover itself feels amazing, I’m not sure I’m a fan of the all-in-on styles. My only complaint: It takes forever to dry.

Helping me put away his clean diapers

How Many?

We own 12 complete diapers with about six additional inserts.

Washing?

I’m doing laundry every other day. We have a HE top-loading washer. I wash them on warm (heavily soiled option selected) and presoak the diapers. I then hang them to dry. Most of the diapers are dry by morning. A few of them have stained but after sunning them for a few hours, they are stain free.

Advice?

Researching cloth diapering can be so overwhelming. There are so many acronyms and various types of diapers. If you are considering cloth diapering, I would recommend visiting a cloth diaper store if you have close to home. It’s so much easier when they are in front of you. If there isn’t a store by you, find a friend who cloth diapers. Ask to see their diapers. And I’d recommend that you just do it. Find a diaper that you like and go for it. I really don’t think you can go wrong with any of the options.

Next Time?

If we decided to add baby #3 to our family, I will pack cloth diapers in my hospital bag. I will start using them on the day the baby is born instead of putting it off like I did this time. Once the diapers are a part of the daily routine, it really doesn’t take any extra effort or thought.

Happy Diapering! I’m so glad we made the switch!

Home is a little bit sweeter

After nearly four weeks with his dad, Cole is home.

As soon as I wrapped my arms around him in the airport terminal, I was able to finally acknowledge the sadness I have been carrying around with me for the past four weeks. I missed my (first) baby boy. Although the sadness was subtle, it never went away. I just love being surround by all of my boys. Cole and I walked through security together, but he took off in a run as soon as he spotted Christian and Chet. I hope I never forget the look on Chet’s face when he saw his brother. He didn’t get overly excited like I had expected. He didn’t shriek and kicked his legs in excitement. He just stared. He took in his brother’s face for minutes. He reached out his hands to feel his cheeks, chin, lips, and eyes. He gave a tug on his hair to make sure he was real. After staring and scrutinizing every inch of his face, Chet smiled. There you are Brother. I knew I was missing someone.

On our way to baggage claim. Chet just stared. He would not take his eyes of his brother. Maybe he was afraid Cole would disappear for another four weeks. Maybe he was trying to make up for lost time. He stared, and his eyes said I love you.

As soon as we walked through our front doors, the house exhaled. Everyone that is loved and loves our family was finally under one roof. Having Cole back under our roof makes the house feel alive. So much changes in four weeks. The house is different when Cole isn’t at home. I miss his noises. I miss his clutter. I miss his dirty socks (that I was still finding in corners the morning he came home). Cole announced that he missed the smell of our house. I haven’t smelt our house in a month. Our house, it smells like nature.

I missed Cole’s energy, his sense of humor, and his non stop chatter. After we tucked Chet into bed, the three of us sat on the living room floor and played War. We turned on Pandora radio. Owl City, one of Cole’s favorites, came on. Cole and Christian sang along like they always do. I listened (I was not blessed with any musical talent except for appreciation). Although not related by blood, Cole has inherited Christian’s musical abilities.

Tie my handle bars to the stars so I stay on track. ~Owl City

Whenever we get around to tackling our bathroom remodel project, this quote is going up on the wall. As I watched Cole play airdrums, and listened to Christian sing along, I mentioned that I couldn’t wait to have the quote hanging in our house. After the song finished, I asked Cole if he knew what it meant? I explained to him the meaning, and he looked at me. His face was very serious – I never know what is going to spill out of his eight year old brain – and Iwaited for his response. Ummm. Mom. That’s a little too nature-y.

While we were busy living our life (minus Cole) for four weeks, Cole was busy living his life with his dad, stepmom, sister, and brand new baby brother. Their home in Tennessee is very different from our home, not better, not worse, just different. I love that he associates our home with nature – the smell to my over thinking, over talking, over explaining ways. Our home and nature resonates with him. Even if he thinks I’m a little too nature-y, I know that the thread of nature in our lives feels like home to him.

I hope that he will always feel at home when he is the great outdoors. I hope home will always feel as wonderful as the night sky. I hope he will tie his handle bars to the stars – I want him to dream big and find his life somewhere amongst the stars. And when all of his dreams do come true (or don’t), I hope he will take the time stop and stare at life (and observe and feel the features of the face that is staring back at him) so he can recognize just how much he loves it.

In teaching him these life lessons, I hope I learn them too.

Kicking off Summer with Cole