Kristy Maute

Redefining Perfect

And just like that, my Richmond marathon training cycle has hit its peak. It hit its climax with a 20 mile run on Monday.

If you followed along during my training for the Shamrock marathon earlier this year, you know that training was defined by heart-break and loss. Two months before race day, I lost both my father-in-law and my aunt/best friend to cancer. Marathon training healed my heart in so many ways. Race day came and I fell into a pocket of comfort. I found support from so many sources during every step of those 26.2 miles. I was amazed by the marathons ability to reflect exactly what I needed in life: support and acceptance. That race shaped me.

I didn’t know what to expect from this marathon training cycle. Life was good. My head and heart were in a good place. I thought this would be an average training cycle. It ended up being unconventional at best. It started with a bum hip. I dealt with an aching foot. I lacked confidence. I held on too tightly to self-imposed goals. I tried to control every aspect of every run every day until I cracked (at the Crawlin Crab half marathon). In the following weeks, the crack became deeper. My desire to run slowly started fading until I decided to quit. The night my husband and I stayed up late to iron out all the hiccups in our life together, I saw clearly what I needed to embrace in order to keep progressing forward. I needed to learn to adapt.

Race day may not be perfect, but I can make it perfect for me. My marriage with my husband is real. It’s not perfect. We argue. We nag. We forgot that our relationship is perfect for us, but he loves me better than anyone and I absolutely adore him. Motherhood is hard. I forget to sign homework papers. I forget to put money into lunch accounts. I count down the minutes until bedtime. It’s not perfect, but it’s perfect for me. My job isn’t perfect. It’s unfulfilling and unmotivating, but its flexibility is perfect for me. My running is never perfect. Runs rarely go according to plan, but I’ve learned to run what my body is asking for on every single run.

Somehow this training cycle showed me exactly what I need right now. I have to adapt. Plan A may turn into Plan Z, but I can make Plan Z perfect for me.

I have run after being up all night with a teething baby. I have run in the only 30 minutes of free time I have in a day. I have run to pick up Cole from school. I’ve taken vacation days at work to make long runs work for my family. I have juggled kids and a husband’s out-of-town schedule and working full-time. I’ve juggled swim practice and soccer. I’ve juggled family dinners, homework, and play.

My shamrock marathon showed me just how lucky I am to have amazing support in my family and friends. This marathon is showing me that I’m not perfect, but I’m enough. I have been adapting since I logged my first training mile. I plan to do the same in my race.

Perfect or not, I will get to the finish line knowing I ran with a happy heart because I made the best of whatever race day has to offer. I believe in myself. I know I’m worth fighting for. Race day is about piecing it all together.

11 days until Richmond.

The timing of Brene Brown’s course has been perfect. Follow along on Instagram if you want to track my weekly journal progress. It’s been quite a journey. I’m struggling to define it with words.

Race for Breath 5k Race Report

Last Wednesday I sat on my couch enjoy the runner’s high I had earned on an 18 mile training run that morning. I got a message from my friend Lesleyanne (The Beachy Runner) asking if I was running the Race for Breath 5k on Saturday.

• A Race for Breath? Isn’t my name Breath of Sunshine? I was meant to run this race.
• For the first time in a long time, I didn’t have a long run scheduled this weekend. I had just finished it for the week.
• I know I need more race experience.
• I have never run a 5k, so why not.

I hopped online and registered.

Friday afternoon my coach called to give me some pointers on how to run a 5k. Having zero race experience at this distance, I needed all the help I could get. I didn’t want to get stuck in my marathon stride for only 3 miles. If I got to the finish line feeling like I should run 23 more miles, I knew I’d be pissed at myself. During our conversation, he asked what I really wanted during the race. I very meekly answered by suggesting that I’d love to see a 7 on my watch for one mile.

My race strategy became run like hell.

Race morning I warmed up. I stretched my hip. I found Lesleyanne, and we lined up a few rows of people behind the start line. Off we went.

I knew I needed to go out hard. I need to get my hips open. Lesleyanne is a faster runner than me so I let her pull me out to the front of the pack. I quickly fell into a rhythm. I was running stride for stride with two other women: red shirt girl and blonde ponytail. (That’s what I named them during the race.)

Blonde pony tail quickly took the lead in our pack of three. She pulled ahead. At the turn around point, she was well ahead of red shirt girl and me. Red shirt girl and I kept going back and forth. She would pull ahead. I’d catch up. I’d pull ahead. She’d catch up. She was a strong runner, and I kept telling myself if I could stay with her I would finish proud. Around mile 2 we both passed Blonde pony tail. Red shirt girl was slowly pulling away from me, but blonde pony tail never got back in the mix.

On the verge of feeling like death, I caught sight of the mile 3 marker. With only 3.1 miles on the course, I knew I had to pull out everything I had left. I focused on my arm movement and passed red shirt girl in the final stretch.

I crossed the finish line just under 25 minutes. A sub 25 minute 5k. Once I collected myself, I couldn’t stop smiling.

Christian and Chet were waiting for me. Lesleyanne waited for me too. This was the first race I’ve ever run were I didn’t have the energy to smile and wave to them as I made my way to the finish line. All 3 miles hurt, and I loved every second of it.

Being in a scenario where I was actually racing the runners around me changed my mindset during my run too. I was unaware of my pace. There was no time for thinking. It was all about doing and moving forward. It was about staying in the mix.

I’m hooked. It was a completely different experience from running long distance, and I loved it. I loved the energy of the race. I love the constant push.

Final results:

Finish time 24:50

7:57 pace garmin time (7:59 race clock)

4th female out of 74 in my age group (30-39)

10th female overall (275+ females)

After the race, I met Red shirt girl. She approached me to thank me for the race. And (gasp!) she said she tried to stay with me the whole race bc I was a strong runner. Never in my life did I think (or do I think) those words would (do) apply to me. It’s perhaps one of the best compliments I could receive especially from someone I paced myself off of because I could tell she was a strong runner. I know not all competition is friendly, but I loved racing with these ladies. I also love that we could celebrate each other post race.

Lesleyanne finished the race with a 2nd place age group win too!

This race, the momentum I’m building, are all lining up perfectly. This race showed me that I can fight for what I want. I have a competitive fire inside me. I can actually run. I very timidly wanted a 7 minute mile during my race. I finished with a 7:57 paced 5k.

Tomorrow I run my last long training run before Richmond: 20 miles.

13 days until race day.

Wicked 10k 2013 Race Report

There is a reason this is my favorite weekend of the year. It brings together everything I love: family, running, and celebration. This year was a little different. My husband was in Belgium. It was a scramble to figure out which kid went where so I could run and Cole could get to his one mile race. Thank goodness for living in the same town as family. My dad and my mother-in-law came to my rescue.

Race day weather was perfect. 40 degrees and sunny at the start warming up to the 60s. I met my mom in the parking lot, and we filled up the time before the race began. With my mind on Richmond, I hadn’t put much thought into this race. I didn’t have a goal. I wanted to run with a light heart and finish happy (which always includes feeling strong in my run). After Crawlin Crab, I needed to redeem myself. My race day confidence needed it.

At the start line, I immediately found a new friend in my corral. We laughed at costumes. We teased that being way up front in corral 2 felt like we were somehow cheating when there were at least a dozen corrals behind us. She asked how fast I was planning on running. She had just returned from her honeymoon and hadn’t ran in weeks. My hope was to see an 8 on my watch for mile pace, and she asked if she could tag along. The more the merrier! I always welcome running buddies!

The course headed straight to the boardwalk. The miles flew by.

Mile 1 – 8:58

Mile 2 – 8:45

Mile 3 – 8:40

I didn’t look at my garmin until Mile 3, and I wish I hadn’t looked. I saw 8:40 and allowed myself to sit comfortably for the next two miles since I was happy with that time. I told myself I would pick it up for the last 1.2 miles.

Mile 4 – 8:49

Mile 5 – 8:46

My new running buddy said she was going to fall back for the final stretch, but thanked me for letting her shadow my run.

Mile 6 – 8:24

Final Stretch – 7:35 pace

Official Race Time: 54:22

Garmin Time: 6.36 54:27 (8:40 pace)

I wasn’t expecting to see anyone along the course this year since Christian was out of town. When I heard my name just before the finish line, I was shocked to see my dad and Cole cheering me on. They gave me a huge burst of energy to knock a few seconds off the race clock. My final kick to the finish line felt amazing. When I saw the 6 mile marker, I knew I had 2/10ths of mile. Two minutes is what I told myself (although not really). I run two-minute intervals in speed training with my coach all the time. I knew I could pick it up and finish strong.

I crossed the finish line smiling from ear to ear. A new PR, a light heart, and a strong run. This run is easily one of the most consistent, evenly paced runs I’ve ever completed. That makes me happy too!

On my recovery run on Sunday, my brain jumped from thought to thought. Mentally I’ve turned a corner in my running. After Shamrock I was so determined to fight for the new goals I had set for myself, I was focusing on where I want to be with my running. I’m nowhere near that goal yet, so mentally it can become exhausting and deflating to constantly feel like you are falling short of a goal. Crawlin Crab was a result of that mind-set. My 16 mile run last week was the turning point – the talk with my husband, all the work I’m doing in Brene Brown’s course, and finally embracing my marathon training – all led to the change. Instead of focusing on where I want to end up, I’m embracing where I’m at right now. The growth I’ve made is proof that I’ll continue to grow (with time and patience) into the person and the runner that can put a check mark next to my dream big goals.

Two years ago, breaking 1 hour in a 10k seemed like a far stretch. One year ago, I shocked myself with a 56 minute finish at the Wicked 10k. I thought that PR would be impossible to break because that race was a perfect race. This year I crossed the finish line in 54 minutes with a rather conservative output (I need more race experience with the 10k!!). Progress! I’m moving forward and that makes me so happy.

How did my mom do this year? AMAZING! She left everything on the course and came in at 1:25. I went back and found her after my run and ran a few blocks with her. She was exhausted and giving it everything she had. I hope she knows that the fight I have in me (that she praises all the time) came from her. I saw it in action on Saturday. My happy, happy mom was on the course fighting to make herself proud (and her family too!).

Cole also invited me to run the Monster Mile with him. That fight that my mom has inside her, Cole has it inside him too. Once we made our way around all the cute toddlers on the course, the boy flew. His run pace was a 7:17 mile. I had a hard time keeping up with him. When the finish line came in sight, I told him it was right in front of him. I was probably encouraging myself more than I was encouraging him. He told me he saw it, and he wasn’t slowing down. Official Race time for him was 8:49. Maybe next year another little monster of mine will be on the race course too!

Happy is the only word I can find that does justice to how I feel about this race, my running, and life lately. Giving myself permission to live with a light heart has truly impact everything in my day to day life!

19 days until the Richmond Marathon!!!

Shine on.

Where to begin? So much has occurred in my absence on my blog, I don’t know where to start.

Marathon – I decided to drop back to the half marathon because my body wasn’t responding well to the miles. Nothing felt right. My head and heart weren’t committed to the training. I came home and went online to drop back. I had missed the deadline.

Marriage – My husband was out-of-town when I made my decision to drop back to the half marathon. We fought before he went out-of-town. We have been in a funk: Nothing big just all the little things in life snowballed into a lot of stress. When he got home, we knew we needed to talk. He is the king of patience. Somehow after the conversation went from good to ugly in a moment, he was able to break it down into very simple terms. We both want and need to feel more love. We are both existing in a life bubble that just keeps moving. We were living side by side instead of hand in hand. This we can fix. Hand and hand is what we are good at.

Marathon – When we talked about my race, he was disappointed. He thought I was giving up on myself.

Me – Reconnecting with my husband cracked my heart wide open in the best possible way. It exposed patterns in my behavior. It brought me back to life.

All of this brought me to Monday. I was back. I was ready to recommit to my marathon training. I was ready to take the good with the bad and piece together the best possible race for me in the time I have left before race day.

All of this brought me to my latest adventure too. On Monday, I began a new e-course with Brene Brown. It’s based on her book The Gifts of Imperfection. It’s full of online videos, daily assignments, intention setting, and journaling.

I cringed when I saw the journal assignments. It wasn’t just written word. It was arts and crafts. It was drawing and creating. It was expression in its rawest form. The first page of the journal was a permission slip to ourselves. When facing fear, I give myself permission to….

I give myself permission to live with a light heart.

When life gets hard, when things get tough, when I become afraid, I become heavy. I sink. I guard my heart. I protect myself. These are all my patterns. Allowing myself to continue forward even when I’m facing fear with a light heart is exactly what I need. It’s not a nature response for me, but it is what I’m choosing. I will still continue down the same road but I won’t carry burden with me.

All of these led me to today. I took a vacation day from work. I met my coach. I ran with a light heart: same road but no burden to carry. 16 miles later I arrived back at my car with exhausted legs, screaming muscles, and the lightest, happiest heart. I felt alive. The first 11 miles flew by. I was in cruise control. Things got tough when I hit the trail again, but I kept going. I didn’t crumble. That arts and crafts project I questioned in my class, it is brilliant. Its more than just words. I actually created the world I want to see. The visual I created was on the front of my brain the entire run. I could see my words. I could feel them. When things got really tough, I was able to lift myself back up. I finished strong. I finished proud. I finished with a light heart.

Marathon – I’m back! Training hasn’t been and won’t be ideal, but my heart is committed. My heart is alive and ready to run!

Marriage – My husband is back out-of-town. He is in Belgium on a beer trip for work. His absences from my day makes my heart ache, but that is okay. He’s having the time of his life, and I can’t wait to wrap my arms around him. Hand and hand, we are back and we are committed to being aware of our love for each other.

Me – I’m amazed by life. I’m amazed at how much I’m rooted in my love for my husband. I’m amazed by the fact that I can create my own path. I can choose my life. I can make these dreams come true.

I’m in love with life right now. I got a message from a friend today. It was a wonderful reminder that when life gets crazy (and it will always get crazy), when it becomes a whirlwind, you just have to hang on. You have to breathe. When the dust settles, life is pretty bright on the other side.

We also snuck away for a little mountain vacation!

Long Run:

Nutrition – english muffin with nutella 2 hours before run. GU with caffeine 15 minutes before start. Gu at mile 5 and mile 11.

Route – 1.6 miles to trail, 3.5 miles along trail, to boardwalk until mile 7.5, back through princess anne hills (hilly 1 mile loop), hit trail at mile 11, last 1.6 back on road. 16.05 miles, 7 miles of trails, 1 mile of hills.

Run got hard when I hit the trail at mile 11. Walked briefly at mile 13.5.

2:30:51, 9:24 pace

9:26, 9:18, 9:04, 9:08, 9:08, 8:59, 9:14, 9:06, 9:10, 9:08, 9:21, 9:51, 10:01, 10:53 (walk included in time), 9:58, 8:57

Race Report – Crawlin Crab Half Marathon 2013

Race day did not go according to plan. Just like my race goals had nothing to do with the time on the finish clock, my feeling about my performance also has nothing to do with the time on my garmin when I hit stop. I had high hopes going into this race. I felt pretty darn confident that I had a sub 2 hour half marathon in me. What I forgot to take into account is that I can’t control everything on race day. Temperatures were brutal for an early October race in Virginia. Last year it was cold and rainy. This year the sun was shining, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, the temperatures were well into the 70s, and the humidity was through the roof (97% at the start). I lined up in corral two ready to finish this race with a 1 at the start of my finish time.

The first four miles went by effortlessly. I knew I was too fast through mile 2, so I made a conscious effort to slow down.

9:08, 8:55, 9:00, 9:10

After mile 4, things started to crumble. The heat got to my head. I started to feel the effects of running towards the rising sun without any shade on the course. Mentally I started to check out too. I knew at that point (or at least I told myself I knew) that I wouldn’t run a sub 2 race. I tried to convince myself to run each mile, but I felt defeated. I let my head get the best of me. At mile 6, I let myself walk through a water stop. That walk extended way too far, and I mentally gave up. I quit.

9:29, 11:20

As I rounded a corner at mile 7, I saw my husband. I was in tears at this point. I was so disappointed in myself and the lack of mental strength on race day to survive hot conditions. I stopped. I was ready to walk off the course and back to my car. Two wonderful running friends came around the corner after I few poor me moments. They made sure I was okay, and I joined them back on the course. They were run/walking at this point because the heat had got to them too.

10:12, 13:33, 13:42

When I hit the 10 mile marker, I had collected myself mental (well, kind of). I needed to put some sort of effort into finishing my run, so I peeled off from my friends. I ran a mile before my head caught back up to me again. I was just so frustrated with myself for not fighting for myself on race day. I was angry that I allowed the idea of running over two hours get to me to the point where I quit. I’m mentally stronger than my performance during this race, and I certainly beat myself up during my run.

9:38, 11:32

I got myself back together for the final stretch of my run. The last half mile includes a bridge crossing. On the way up, I was running next to man who was hurting. I miraculous FINALLY found my running groove. I told him we just had to get up and over and the finish line was waiting for us. This started a little conversation with me doing all the talking (I did ask him if he wanted me to stop talking or to let him run. He said no. He asked me to stay to distract himself from all the pain he was feeling). He had a goal of 2:20 and was so worried about not finish. I had just tanked my run. I wasn’t going to let him tank his run. I talked him through the final stretch of the run. We both finished strong, and he meet his goal by more than 2 minutes. He hugged me at the finish line!

9:27, 8:10 pace

13.27 miles on my garmin 2:20:50

I finished the race a little angry, a little disappointed, and a little deflated. I gave myself permission to feel whatever I needed to feel for 24 hours. This morning I put my running shoes back on, and I meet my coach for a five mile recovery run. We worked through my race during the run. We identified a lot of areas where I can grow as a runner to make me stronger. We identified a lot of reasons why I fell apart on race day.

I need more race experience. I have to learn to run at my edge. This will come with practice. I’ll learn to identify it and trust it. I’ll learn to know my body better.
I can’t evaluate a run during a run (remember that race goal!). Writing this post is the first time I’ve looked at my splits from race. I wish I could have just accepted the race for what it was and ran the best that I could run. My actual running pace was good for me in hot conditions. I could have turned the race around if I didn’t let my head get the best of me. When I told myself my race was over (the race I was racing for a sub 2 hour run), I gave myself permission to quit. Sub 2 wasn’t happening on race day, but I could have still ran strong.
Over the course of the race, I quit wanting it. I didn’t want to fight for the finish anymore. This is probably what bothers me the most. It’s so outside of my character to not fight for what I want.
I connected this bad performance to so much than just this moment. In my head, I convinced myself that I didn’t want any race. I was ready to withdraw from Richmond at the finish line.
I also need to learn how to run over the hump of a race. I’m pushing myself more and more so my runs are going to become more difficult. I have to learn to piece together a strong start and finish. This will come with practice.

My frustration from yesterday’s race is slowly turning into motivation. I’m not ready to throw Richmond out the window. I’m determine to make the best of Richmond on race day no matter what happens. I know that Richmond is going to be hard race for me. It’s going to test me. My goals from this race are carrying right on over to that race.

Run with a light heart
Run with clear mind
Run with the strength in my body
Be Brave
Be Strong
Fight for the finish
Run in the present

I didn’t accomplish any of these yesterday, but there is no way in hell that I’m quitting before I learn these lessons. I’m recovering from yesterday (and for my friends how know me, don’t worry! I’m not beating myself up). It’s just a race, and I am truly thankful for everything it showed me yesterday. I have room for some real growth both on the race course and in life. I gave up when plan A wasn’t successful. I am on the path to learn how to adapt, embrace, and enjoy plans B through Z. This is going to benefit every single part of my life.

My favorite friends flew in for the race! Love love loved having them here!

Nutrition worked great on race day! Hammer drink when I woke up. Gel 15 minutes before start, mile 7, and mile 10 (wish I had the sense to take one at mile 4).