Kristy Maute

ODU Big Blue 5k – Trust my Legs

“Life isn’t as serious as my mind makes it out to be.” ~Eckhart Tolle

As soon as the Shamrock Half Marathon was over, I was ready to switch gears. My body was pretty banged up after the race, so I happily entered into recovery mode. I made a plan to aim for a 5k PR (current PR: 24:50) for the summer. My plan is simple: less running, more strength training. When it became clear that my right side from my hip down to my foot wasn’t happy about running, I turned all my energy to my new found love: my gym. For the past two weeks, I have attended class every day Monday through Friday, and I’m becoming slightly addicted.

Evofit has been my greatest surprise in my fitness journey. I’ve never felt comfortable in a gym. Weights have always intimidated me. I’ve never felt strong. While I’ve tip toed into this new space over the past few months, the past two weeks I’ve dove in head first.

I signed up for the ODU Big Blue 5k as part of Evofit. As race day approached, I was incredibly nervous. Since April 1st, I’ve run twice. The first run was a disaster. The second run was nice and easy to prove that I could breathe while running. My running fitness seemed to be slipping further and further away.

All week was a mental battle. Am I healthy enough to run? Can I let my ego go and run hard regardless of pace? My biggest fear was that hard effort would result in a slow (for me) pace.

Race morning arrived, and I was still battling my ego. The last thing I wanted from this race was to walk away disappointed. I laid on my couch (thanks to a 10:30am start time) and had to will myself to get ready. As I put on my Evofit tank top, I reminded myself I owe it to myself and to everyone who supports me to run hard. Pace doesn’t matter. It’s an outcome, but effort I can control.

My one and only goal: run hard.

I know I’m not in PR shape so that was never part of my thought process. I had hoped I would run 8s. I really didn’t want to be slower than shamrock. I really really wanted my body to feel engaged.

As I lined up in corral two I found two teammates from J&A Racing that I knew would have a good day. We all agreed that a great day would be under 27 minutes, but would be happy with 28 minutes. None of us wanted to see above 30 (and in my moments of doubt, I thought this could be my reality).

Janet pulled us out fast. Stay with her. Breath. Relax. It’s a 5k. It should feel fast. Don’t look at your garmin. Today isn’t about pace. It’s about effort. You’re working hard.

Mile 1: 8:28

Relax. Relax. Don’t panic. Just run. Get to mile 2.

Mile 2: 8:23

Get to the water stop. Drink. Move. Relax. Relax. Relax.

Mile 3: 8:48

Holy crap this is hard.

Final push: 8:18 pace

Official Results: 26:44, average pace 8:37

Finishing on the 50 yard line of the football field

Today’s course covered 3.1 miles around my college campus. While I expected to take a walk down memory lane, I don’t remember any of the course with the exception of the fountain. I was so focused on running and remaining relaxed, I don’t think I looked up more than once or twice.

Once again race day delivered exactly what I needed. While I have a few physical goals I’d like to meet by end of summer, my mental game has been on point this year. As someone who has mentally struggled with racing for a good two years, I can’t help but smile. Knowing I brought my best (even relucantly) gives me a nice dose of confidence that I can preform on race day even if everything isn’t ideal. My legs know how to run. My heads back in the game. It’s time to start trusting them.

A 26:44 5k and a strong mental game is the perfect kick off to a summer of speed and strength.

Chet and Christian joined me on race day too. Chet was thrilled to see a football field. When I asked him what he thought of my race, he responded in true Chet fashion: everyone beat you. You came in last. Another lesson learned. Next time I’m making Chet stay to watch the real last finisher.

Actual results:

Overall: 295 of 1960

Female: 76 of 1146

Female age group: 14 of 150

All my Days

Well I have been searching all of my days

All of my days

Many a road, you know

I’ve been walking on

All of my days

And I’ve been trying to find

What’s been in my mind

As the days keep turning into night

Words haven’t been easy to find lately. I’ve stared at this blank screen every night wishing for words to appear. They haven’t transformed themselves to paper. Instead I’m feeling them. I’m hearing them. I’m living them. I’m digesting them.

Life is lived in seasons, and I know with all my heart this season is a moment of peace and freedom. Life feels still. It’s a moment of pause. It’s a moment of appreciation.

Well I have been quietly standing in the shade

All of my days

Watch the sky breaking on the promise that we made

All of this rain

And I’ve been trying to find

What’s been in my mind

As the days keep turning into night

As I headed out yesterday on a beach cruiser with a pack of amazing girls, I couldn’t help but pinch myself. I was with great friends biking through a beautiful state park while the sun was shining.

Last week as I dug in dirt with my four year old removing ivy as old as our house, I felt breath in our movements. Being busy is where he thrives. Working beside him I felt alive. Our home seemed to whisper thank you as we brought her back to life.

Saturday night I sat on a bar stool beside my husband eating tacos and enjoying beer. This is easily one of my favorite date night activities. Conversation flowed to where we are in life right now. Being able to support his career growth more while he supports my journey of career exploration has brought a refreshing balance to our life.

Last weekend Cole’s best friend showed up at our door. He was hoping Cole could join him on a bike ride to 7-Eleven for slurpees. We’ve never let Cole venture that far before, but he’s matured into middle school this year. It’s time to give him some freedom.

Now I see clearly

It’s you I’m looking for

All of my days

Soon I’ll smile

I know I’ll feel this loneliness no more

All of my days

For I look around me

And it seems you’ve found me

And it’s coming into sight

As the days keep turning into night

As the days keep turning into night

And even breathing feels all right

Yes, even breathing feels all right

Now even breathing feels all right

It’s even breathing

Feels all right

My words have always been my comfort. They provide a silver lining when life gets tough. I’ve always used my words to capture moments of growth, but this season of life doesn’t require comfort, silver linings or growth. This season of life is meant to be lived.

I’m on a path that feels perfectly made for me. I’m surround by strength and support. My community has been built. The sun is shining on me right now, and I have every intention of spreading my arms, lifting my head, and soaking up all it has to offer.

My favorite song for this season: All my Days by Alexi Murdoch

(Thank you Nicole at My Fit Family for always beautifully incorporating lyrics into your life. You inspire me daily!)

Celebrating 36.

“Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but … life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.” ~Gabriel Garcia Marquez

This birthday is simple. It’s special. It means the world to me. This birthday is good. My heart is full.

There isn’t possibly anything I could ask for on my birthday this year. It’s not because I have it all, but it’s because I’m completely satisfied by what I do have right now. The past two months I’ve taken inventory of all the things I’m grateful for in my life. My priorities have fallen into place and lined up perfectly with every thing my heart has ever whispered. Thirty six is the year I rid myself of emotional clutter.

A year ago as I celebrated 35, I promised myself I’d find and use my voice. This year I’ve finally made the space in my life for my voice to have a platform. As I add layers to my life this year, they will compliment where I’m at in life. They will enhance my voice. They will celebrate my worth.

Thirty six is the year I stand up straight with confidence and a smile on my face. Thirty six isn’t about wishing for more. It’s about loving exactly what I have. It’s about maximizing the moments. Thirty six is a celebration of life.

“I see my life as an unfolding set of opportunities to awaken.” ~Ram Dass

A Flower in the Sunshine

As I searched the Internet for a quote that embodied the happiness I felt exploring our local botanical gardens with Chet, my mom and my two nieces, I stumbled up words I adored. I read them and thought this is me.

Maybe I should ask Christian to post it on my birthday.

I wish someone else would find these words and say them about me.

Then I laughed at myself. Good grief. In five days, I will be 36 years old. I can say these words about myself. I can post a picture that makes me happy, and I can say these words.

Validation doesn’t come from the outside. It comes from the inside. Happiness doesn’t come from the outside. It comes the inside. Who we are as people belongs to us alone.

I can say these words about myself.

“Her wild heart was rare, she saw blessings were most saw burdens & if one thing was certain; her smile was like a flower in the sunshine.” ~Nikki Rowe

This is what I know. In five days I will be celebrating my thirty sixth birthday. Every phase of life has a story, and right now I feel internally satisfied. I can compliment myself. I can celebrate my strengths. I know I love to smile. I know I feel better when my eyes are squinting as my face lights up. I know gratitude is part of my daily practice. I know that life is good.

It is okay to recognize the good in myself. In fact, it should be where I place my focus. Instead of constantly looking for ways to grow and get better, I can take the time to appreciate exactly where I’m at today.

Learning to accept a compliment takes times. I used to dismiss them when I received them. I learned to smile and say thank you. Now it’s time to compliment myself.

My heart is wild.

I see the good in every scenario.

My smile is my sunshine.

My life is really really good.

Taking inventory of wishes that have come true

Focused and Free, Shamrock Half Marathon 2016

In a million ways yesterday was a perfect race. I ran to my potential based on what race day had to offer. I felt strong and engaged. Mentally I found my sweet spot.

In one way yesterday’s race fell a little flat. The race clock doesn’t match my potential.

The story of the race clock goes back long before this race. My quest for a sub 2 hour half marathon started two and a half years ago. At the crawlin crab half marathon in 2013 (Read it here). I lined up ready to break two hours. I failed miserably. When my miles started to fall off pace a few miles into the race, I threw in the towel. I quit, and I finished the race feeling miserable about my ability.

My second focused attempt at breaking two hours was at the Flying Pirate Half Marathon (Read it here), I showed up more than ready. Again I failed miserably. When my paces fell off, I gave up on the race. I gave up on myself.

A few injuries, a few marathons, and a few life changes have happened over the last two and a half years, but the one thing that has remained consistent was my quest for sub 2. My training runs resulted in sub 2 13.1 miles, but it’s never translated to race day. This year felt like a no brainer. I showed up at the start line with three goals in my head:

A Goal: 8:xx pace overall

B Goal: Sub 2

C Goal: Do not give up on my race.

For most, the C goal would have been a PR. For most there would be a drastic difference between Goal B and C but for me, it’s what I needed. My head tends to be all or nothing. I knew if I saw sub 2 fading away, my biggest challenge would be to keep my head in the game. Could I fight for a finish that had nothing to do with the time clock?

Sunday delivered a day that was the perfect test of my strength. A Nor’easter by the name of Winter Storm Regis showed up on the first day of spring. It poured until about half way into the race. The winds fought back with gusts averaging 35mph. This was the day we were given to run, and I embraced it. Everyone was running the same race.

I started the race with a few of the runners from our training team and the 2 hour pacers. For the first 4 miles I sat comfortably at the back of the pack (note to self: race day pace groups are not for me). There was way too much nervous energy and anticipation in the large pace group for me to feel comfortable settling into my own run. I could feel everyone’s emotions but my own.

8:56, 9:18, 9:14, 9:16

By mile 5 I knew I needed to let the group go. I was using too much energy to stay attached to their pacing signs. I also needed to adjust my sock since my foot had started to bleed. I used the waterstop to adjust both my sock and my place on the race course.

9:49

I let the pacers go knowing they would come back to me when the wind was at my back. I kept running north embracing the wind, and I finally felt myself mentally settle.

9:19

Fort story can be a beast. The winds blow hard, and there were many times I felt myself stumble. I focused on the little things for the next three miles. Get to the water stop. Find the lighthouse. Get off the base. Go see my husband.

9:20

9:34

9:44

I didn’t look at my watch once during the race for many reasons, but I knew this race was a race that wouldn’t be defined by the race clock. I knew I needed to focus on my C Goal. I needed to fight for my finish regardless of time. I needed to fight just for me.

As I made the turn back on to Atlantic Avenue, I knew Christian would be there. Having just mentally conquered the hardest part of the course, I was overwhelmed with emotion. I was proud of me. I knew at this point the 2 hour group wasn’t coming back to me. No excuses. No reasons to quit. I arrived to Christian a puddle of tears. I mumbled a quick “I’m okay,” and I kept running. He biked beside me for a block or two. He updated me on my friends. I then sent him on his way to the final turn. I needed to own my mental space on this run. I needed this race to belong to me.

9:09

9:36

10:13

I ran as fast as my legs would let. After a long stretch of focusing on one block at a time, I made it to the boardwalk. The finish line was waiting for me.

Focused and free, I fully embraced the last mile of this race. As the finish line got closer and closer, my sweet friend Catrina popped out with open arms ready to support me. It was the best surprise of the day, and I welcomed a congratulatory embrace.

Without a doubt, I had just finished one of my best mental races.

Official finish time – 2:04:03

“Ask nothing from your running, and you’ll get more than you ever imagined!” ~Christopher McDougall